...Closer to my dreams

Sometime around three a.m. this morning i was awakened by a butt-dialed phone call from one of my friends back home. before i had answered the call i was dead ass sleep, but figured it HAD to be an emergency for this person to be calling me at this time; when i realized it was a mistake, i got to thinking. i started thinking about this small little thing that has been bothering so much so that i had to commence to writing :/

Since Friday, i have been experiencing this weirdo pseudo-homesick shit. I blame it partially on the fact that I have no friends here and partially on my normal bipolarism. either way, i've been sorta feeling like i wanna go home. im missing folks. my friends, especially.

I started comparing my detroit life to my new york city life (which is kind of absurd, i know, being as i have no new york city life at this point lol), specifically this whole missing-my-friends/oh-everyones-having-fun-without-out-me drama queen stuff im going through. this morning, in attempt to shake off these blues, i went on Fifth Ave for a few hours. Ah.Maze.Ing. (more to come on that later).after that, i met up with my aunt out in queens and she asked me what would i be doing today (saturday) if i were in detroit. i thought about it, and basically, i wouldve been doing the exact same thing. going somewhere by myself, shopping or hanging out with someone forty years my senior (detroit:dad, nyc:aunt).

Im still not sure whether this realization made me feel better or pissed me the hell off. more than likely, it was both....but slightly leaning more towards
pissed off' especially after the 3 a.m. butt call. i went from feeling bad about having left so abruptly and missing everyone to being very much a fuck-everyone-im-happy-im-amillion-miles-away-from-you-assholes, in like two minutes flat.

I didnt mean it. i was just...um...jealous?? hurt?? dare i say it, lonely? ive been gone just one week and some of my close friendships have been flipped upside down. people who i rarely got to see/hang out with while i was back home have been constantly rooting me on and checking on me, etc. people who i saw/talked to OBSESSIVELY have replaced me with a newer model (sorry for the dramatics. im venting) or just moved on with life. really? really.

so enough with all this girly emotional shit (i promise im not PMSing). im in the city that never sleeps. clearly, that isnt just some bullshit they put on travel brochures cuz it sounds good. its 5 a.m in the fucking morning and im up with THIS nonsense lol....

*sigh* i wish i knew how to write songs like Drake. in fact, im quite sure he already has a few songs that could explain how im feeling right now better than i ever could. thank you, drake. u just may be my only true friend in life (kidding).

good night/good morning