Goin to the ceremony

“...I dont know where Im going
But Im goin
Its...all...happening...”

My entire twenties have been a clusterfuck of questions, obviously. I’ve already gone through the cliches of who is it that I am and what is it that I want.  I’ve now tapped into the momentum of getting myself to that place in life.

And then I realized that I’m again uncertain of absolutely everything.

But at least Im progressing. 

Clocks

Sometimes shit just doesn't make any sense.


None of it.


And sometimes, right once you think you've gotten it all figured out, the conclusions you came to just slip between your fingers like water.  And try as you might to hold onto it your attempts prove futile and its gone.  And you're left looking stupid trying to figure out if it ever really existed to begin with.


truths turn to curiosities
curiosities to questions
questions that lead to no definite answers.


And thats the end of it, in all its uncertain glory.


Life.

'Cause you never know where the cards may lay

Dilemma...

You have two opportunities.

One - Kind of has a bit of glamour/prestige attached to it but not much more. Financial growth and personal advancement looks bleak here. You're mentally drained and constantly questioning what the fuck you're doing there and what is it that you're trying to prove.

Two - No glamour whatsoever.  In fact, this opportunity is the anti-glam.  But its genuine. And its built on ideas you're accustomed to and respect.  Even though you aren't particularly interested, there is room for growth here and a promise of stability for the taking.  Most notably, you don't feel at war, but at peace in a lot of ways.

The outside world (the general public) will say that you're fuckin insane to even consider Opp Two.  Your world (your friends and family) are all FuckYeahOppTwo.tumblr.com and shit.

You... are too indecisive, uncertain and afraid to make a decision either way.  And then, like clockwork, a simple decision becomes a larger than life self-debate about what it is that you really want in life in general.  Sure, you've been here more times than anyone else you know but this time its different.  This time you actually sorta feel a tiny bit of pressure to actually come up with a legit answer.  Like, for real.

And you can't.

And it seems like subconsciously, your mind/body/spirit/whateverthefuck is working against you.  Like they don't wanna fuckin help you figure the shit out!! Like you try to sit down, draw it out, think about it and within 30 seconds, your watching old episodes of Pepper Ann on YouTube.

And in the end, you just tricked yourself into avoiding dealing with a multitude of inconvenient, thought-provoking, important real-life shit that may have made your life that much simpler.

...And you still don't know which Opp is best for you





Knew the toll, but I would not pay



...thanks ms badu