In the worst kinda way, I want you, you, you, you, you

I don't want no trouble

Just a little lovin'

I don't want ya money

I wanna get to know ya

You oughta get to know me

I wanna make you wander

And then the church said, "Amen".  

If you're lucky, every once in a while you'll meet someone who kinda puts you on your ass.  In a good way though.  Im talking about when someone makes you have a fucking seat for a second. And regardless of whether or not the feelings mutual, you can't help it.  Your ass is grass, officially, even if the moments only fleeting.


Before you know it, your ass is doing all types of frivolous bullshit to kill any idle time you may have.  Why? So you won't sit around daydreaming about inappropriate things you want to do with/to a stranger, of course. All the red flags in the world couldn't stop you from jumping out of the window with it. In a way, you've learned more about yourself in the last 24 hours than you've learned in the last 24 years. And that beats logic any day. 

Shit is legit.

'Cause you never know where the cards may lay

Dilemma...

You have two opportunities.

One - Kind of has a bit of glamour/prestige attached to it but not much more. Financial growth and personal advancement looks bleak here. You're mentally drained and constantly questioning what the fuck you're doing there and what is it that you're trying to prove.

Two - No glamour whatsoever.  In fact, this opportunity is the anti-glam.  But its genuine. And its built on ideas you're accustomed to and respect.  Even though you aren't particularly interested, there is room for growth here and a promise of stability for the taking.  Most notably, you don't feel at war, but at peace in a lot of ways.

The outside world (the general public) will say that you're fuckin insane to even consider Opp Two.  Your world (your friends and family) are all FuckYeahOppTwo.tumblr.com and shit.

You... are too indecisive, uncertain and afraid to make a decision either way.  And then, like clockwork, a simple decision becomes a larger than life self-debate about what it is that you really want in life in general.  Sure, you've been here more times than anyone else you know but this time its different.  This time you actually sorta feel a tiny bit of pressure to actually come up with a legit answer.  Like, for real.

And you can't.

And it seems like subconsciously, your mind/body/spirit/whateverthefuck is working against you.  Like they don't wanna fuckin help you figure the shit out!! Like you try to sit down, draw it out, think about it and within 30 seconds, your watching old episodes of Pepper Ann on YouTube.

And in the end, you just tricked yourself into avoiding dealing with a multitude of inconvenient, thought-provoking, important real-life shit that may have made your life that much simpler.

...And you still don't know which Opp is best for you





Knew the toll, but I would not pay



...thanks ms badu

"Cause I've got one hand in my pocket..."

"So can I get  a window seat
Don't want nobody next to me"


"Concentrating on my music, lover and my babies...."

"So, in my mind I'm tusslin'
Back and forth 'tween here and hustlin'
I don't wanna time travel no more
I wanna be here, I'm thinking"



I need something. I wish I knew what it were. But I'm feeling a lack of something. I think I might need to seriously consider doing a cleanse. Like a real one. Between this amazing hair stylist I'm working with thats juicing/cleansing right now and this chill ass vegan kid I've been running with, I'm feeling like the idea isn't so far fetched after all. My life is looking like a clusterfuck of half awesome and half shitty-ness right now. I've been feeling like there's some void somewhere. Like there's so much more to life than what I'm doing now. The end goal has always been self-fulfillment and happiness but the means by which I've been using to reach said goal has been questionable lately. I'm doing mad shit right now. I'm trying. I know firsthand that nothing falls into your lap and if you want to be successful, chances are, you have to bust ass. But....really. If I'm working all the time towards one specific goal, it is inevitable that I will short sight another. So I guess the question then becomes, Which is most important? And that, my friend, is what I do not fucking know.

So much going on in the world right now. I have these superficial things that I'm doing to pursue my nonsuperficial dream of being happy but I wonder if it is enough. There are so many battles in this world that are actually worth fighting for and I am not fighting a single one. Not One. I suck. I don't consider myself to be one of those sit-back-and-let-others-do-the-work types. And I don't wish to be a turn-the-other-cheek-to-injustice types either. But by NOT doing anything, I am both of those things. I think that makes sense.

Fock man. What to do?

And eerily enough, I started writing this listening to "Window Seat" and halfway through, this broad Alanis Morissette comes blaring through my headphones via Pandora with "Hand In My Pocket"...could'nt be more perfect for the state of mind I'm in right now. This is how I know there is a God. And that God may be a woman.

I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I'm pretty sure I have my answer here.



"I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing a piano

And what it all comes down to my dear friends, yeah
Is that everything is just fine fine fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab"

I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I think I have my answer here.