Starring Role

<3

This song/video is so perfect in timing- visually and lyrically.

I'm so about blonde, 60's/70's OD voluminous hair, lashes and warpaint; I think I'm taking on blonde soon actually. And today I did a photoshoot that left the model with these chic football fan-esque painted slits under the eye.

I tried to get into Marina and the Diamonds hell long ago but couldn't really feel it then.  But this...this shit right here...is addictive.

Again, lyrically, this woman is a beast with the pen.

I'm down like my internet connection

Internet Connection by M.I.A. from Pearson Philpot on Vimeo.

The internet is probably the single most important "product" of all time.

The end.


I'm not exactly in communication with the outside world these days (AT&T killed my iPhone and prior to that I killed Facebook off of it)- which means I've been getting hot and heavy with Mr.Internet a lot more. I am not being an overexaggerater when I say that I do not know what I would do if there were no internet.  I could not. I just absolutely couldfuckingnot.

Entertainment.  Education.  Enlightenment.  For free.

This week I got obsessed with the following

(Music)
Kanye West - Mercy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTI0KDuQl_4

Chester French - Black Girls http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO2naBxVbr8&feature=player_embedded

Kascade/ Scrillex - Lick It http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US7wauHA8MI

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwlogyj7nFE

(YouTube Channels)
Behind the Hustle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDKLo2emifA&feature=share
*Special thanks to the awesome @Ky_Rebel for mentioning on FB

Crash Course http://www.youtube.com/user/crashcourse
*Special thanks to my boyfriend Lupe Fiasco for mentioning on Twitter ;)

(Movies)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Sitter

(People)
Marchesa Luisa Casati

Mae West

This particular pic of Nina Sky

(Overall)
Vintage Hair tools, accessories, books, everything
Books

And tons of other shit.


I would've put the vids in the body of this post but mi lazy.  And I'm starting to think I may break the internest with my extensive posts loaded with pics and vids and shit.  There should probably be a part two to this post but I'm kinda inconsistent with the blogging (as you've probably noticed).

"Underneath a disguise of a smile, Gradually I'm dying inside"

So what do you do when

Somebody you're so devoted to

Suddenly just stops loving you

And it seems they haven't got a clue

Of the pain that rejection is putting you through

Do you cling to your pride

And sing "I will survive"

Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way?"

Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

Well I guess I'm trying to be

Nonchalant about it

And I'm going to extremes to prove

I'm fine without you

But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind

Underneath a disguise of a smile

Gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly

Cause I don't want to reveal

The fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise

Till I go home at night

And turn down all the lights

And then I breakdown and cry

fin.

BaBopByeYa

I'm guessing being 'emotionally stable' isn't going to be one of this years accomplishments.

Who care's- there's always next year.

There's been a lot of movement in my life over the past few weeks.  I no longer work a job that makes me feel miserable and I have started to seriously build my brand in a few different areas.  And I've fallen in love.  With a girl.

Janelle Monae.

I had some epic bipolar shit going on recently where I felt completely heartbroken and uninspired and I couldn't see past the massive heap of shit I was standing in.  And then I listened to this shit.











And I honestly felt better.


Narrated my whole existence in like one hour.

I come apart, but thats ok...

Chill music playlist for when I want to be a complete introvert and tune out the world. While it has been successful at doing this, it has also served as the soundtrack to my insanity lately.

The Life- Alicia Keys
Trouble Man- Marvin Gaye
King of Sorrow- Sade
Lift Me Up- Christina Aguilera

There are about 10+ other songs on the list but these are the ones that aren't nearly as bad but they give me the blues just as easy.  I think I may be a masochist.

You be the judge.




Ev'ry day I realize that

this might be the last day of my life
Walking down the street, I find, yeah,
I'm coming closer to losing my mind.

'Cause when it rains, it pours;
isn't life worth more?
I don't even know what I am hustlin' for.
You've got to do what you've got to do
just to make it through
all the hard times that's gonna pace you.

This is the life, striving to survive.

Livin' will always be a struggle,
lookin' for someone true to love you.
Lookin' back, I see all the hard roads.
Thiis madness makes me wanna hide.
I work slowly, eternally. I'm dying.
Pillowcase is wet from all my crying.
There is nothing more to be here for.
Take me away; I can't live that life no more.







 




I love listening to these tracks.  They may mellow me out, they may even get me down but at the end of the day they make me reflect.

L.E.S Artistes

My beloved Santigold is allegedly preparing to release a new album soon so obviously, that means interviews and other promo stuff is coming, right? Well, I just read an interview with her and fhe said something that really resonated with me and where I am right now.  She said this album was all about her creating her reality. When I read it I think a lightbulb went off.

If I had a penny for everytime I preached someone's head off about how if there's no opportunity presenting itself to you, make one, I'd be a rich bitch.  But somehow I, like, forgot to take my own advice recently. Thank you, Santi,  for the reminder, boo.

I turned 25 yesterday. I sorta feel like I'm suspended in time or something.  Like I sorta don't know what the fuck's going on with my life. Like I'm not sure what I want and the things that I think that I want don't seem right. I don't expect for you to understand that last sentence. I'm not even sure if I do.

But what I do know is that excuses are for pussies and I'm not letting them interfere with my life anymore.

"Cause I've got one hand in my pocket..."

"So can I get  a window seat
Don't want nobody next to me"


"Concentrating on my music, lover and my babies...."

"So, in my mind I'm tusslin'
Back and forth 'tween here and hustlin'
I don't wanna time travel no more
I wanna be here, I'm thinking"



I need something. I wish I knew what it were. But I'm feeling a lack of something. I think I might need to seriously consider doing a cleanse. Like a real one. Between this amazing hair stylist I'm working with thats juicing/cleansing right now and this chill ass vegan kid I've been running with, I'm feeling like the idea isn't so far fetched after all. My life is looking like a clusterfuck of half awesome and half shitty-ness right now. I've been feeling like there's some void somewhere. Like there's so much more to life than what I'm doing now. The end goal has always been self-fulfillment and happiness but the means by which I've been using to reach said goal has been questionable lately. I'm doing mad shit right now. I'm trying. I know firsthand that nothing falls into your lap and if you want to be successful, chances are, you have to bust ass. But....really. If I'm working all the time towards one specific goal, it is inevitable that I will short sight another. So I guess the question then becomes, Which is most important? And that, my friend, is what I do not fucking know.

So much going on in the world right now. I have these superficial things that I'm doing to pursue my nonsuperficial dream of being happy but I wonder if it is enough. There are so many battles in this world that are actually worth fighting for and I am not fighting a single one. Not One. I suck. I don't consider myself to be one of those sit-back-and-let-others-do-the-work types. And I don't wish to be a turn-the-other-cheek-to-injustice types either. But by NOT doing anything, I am both of those things. I think that makes sense.

Fock man. What to do?

And eerily enough, I started writing this listening to "Window Seat" and halfway through, this broad Alanis Morissette comes blaring through my headphones via Pandora with "Hand In My Pocket"...could'nt be more perfect for the state of mind I'm in right now. This is how I know there is a God. And that God may be a woman.

I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I'm pretty sure I have my answer here.



"I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing a piano

And what it all comes down to my dear friends, yeah
Is that everything is just fine fine fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab"

I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I think I have my answer here.

What kind of fuckery is this?

Can't believe you played me out like this....

I know most normal people couldn't give a singular fuck less about  the death of a notorious drug using celebrity but hey, I've never been normal. This shit actually hurt my feelings.  Yes, I am hormonal and may need to consider switching birth control but I almost want to cry. I LOVES Amy Winehouse. I do. NOT. give a damn.com

Her music came into my life during a time of happiness.  I had just got my first apartment in downtown Atlanta and was getting my first taste of adulthood and independence. I used to put her CD's in (this was the time before laptops and iPhones appeared in my life) and be in my own world sketching, reading, writing and reflecting. 

Back to Black and Frank are two of my favorite albums ever. They hold me down. I always thought she'd get back in the game and come through.... for me.  I needed her. Here I am in NYC alone with all of these new experiences and obstacles and great times and shitty times and I really wanted some new Winehouse to be apart of this part of the soundtrack to my life.

Funny how people will put you on a pedestal and celebrate you but when you fall from grace they throw you away.  That's what this tragedy makes me think of.  Such a blood sucking society we live in. Perfection is a trait that has yet to be found in any human being to date. And you can't just throw a couple dollars and a rehab clinic at a problem and expect it to go away. It makes me sick that so many people assume that she was rich and because she had all of these resources she should have been able to kick her habit. I don't claim to know much about drug addiction but I'm pretty sure that sometime its deeper than the pure enjoyment of using. From her music you can tell there was more to her than that.

Fuck it, this aint for the haters.  Its for the lovers.

I fucks with Amy Winehouse, hard body.  I associate her and her music with nothing but positiviity. That's my bitch and I will love and cherish the talents she shared with me forever and always.

A few of my favorites:

Back to Black



Me and Mr.Jones



You Know That I'm No Good



Love is a Losing Game



You Sent Me Flying



Take the Box



In My Bed



Just Friends

Fuck Me Pumps

Wake Up Alone



Help Yourself

RIP Amy