Transitionin' from Standing Out to Fitting In

You know how when you have a low moment in life and all you want to do is dial up your closest people and just...talk?

And no one answers?

Thats the fuckin worst, bruv.

And then there you are, all hypersensitive and shit, left to sort out your latest mid life crisis in absolute solitude.  

Fuckityfuck.

And you know that even if they DID answer the gotdamn phone, there would probably be little to no understanding or solution to whatever latest debacle you're going through today.

You dont care. You just want to be assured that someone is there. Thats it.  Even if they cant do a motherfucking thing, you just want them to hold the phone and listen. Or better yet, at least pretend that you're not a kook and you're complete rightgeous in feeling however it is that you feel or believing whatever it is that you're believing.  

Like when you barely have two nickels to your name but you're working like a MVP. And you know that money is coming- lots of it. You have the invoices to prove it. But until that unbeknownst-to-man day comes, you're living on magic beans. And, truthfully speaking, you almost dont even mind it because you're in love with the overall nature of your life. But no one else gets it. And no one else seems to want to hear that shit. And that shit is usually the straw that breaks the camels back when it comes to your ability to persevere. Fuckin holdin on to the dream gets really real when no one is seeing or believing the shit but your sole unstable ass.

If it weren't for that one time you were prepared to put your very last ten bucks for dinner on the counter and the cashier told you your total was only fifty-nine cent due to some invisible coupons that you didnt even know you earned on that bum ass rewards card on your keychain....

If it weren't for that one time your dont-see-often friend (rather bewitchingly)hit you up for dinner/movie ON THEM when you you thought you were gonna be forced to spend another afternoon at home contemplating getting a job at McDonalds or entering the sex trade....

If it weren't for the fact that doors have consistently and continuously been flying open and ways have been made repeatedly throughout your journey....

you might've given up by now. 

But thank God you know better than that.

Because if you can't handle not having someone to pat you on the back and tell you every things going to be ok then how in the hell are you gonna handle all the proverbial slaps in the face that you will certainly continue to get while trying to carve out a career and life in this city? How will you deal when you show up to a gig and you're the only splash of melanin on the entire set? Or when you're surrounded by people who absolutely refuse to be real and instead propel lifestyles of very real materialistic wealth but faux happiness (or the dyslexic ones who are genuinely happy to boast fake/short term material wealth)? How will you handle the people who are only in your life to keep tabs on you and not actually support a single thing you do? The ones who are only interested in keeping their foot in your neck? 

I'm still only at the beginning of my journey but I can very well see the many pitfalls that stand between me and my dreams and Im just hoping I dont fall into one of them.

Brown Girl, Turn Your Shit Down

Such an interesting social climate we're living in.

Such an interesting social landscape I'm living in.

I just went to see MIA live at Terminal 5 and, consequently, I've been functioning on a different wavelength ever since. 

At one point in my life, I was quite serious about the idea of being a social activist...as a career.  

And now I'm a hair stylist.  

Funny, no?

Well, as much as there are a shitload of injustices going on in this nation and beyond, I haven't quite figured out my own personal avenue in making an impact on a single fucking thing.  

The point is, at the time that I wanted to be the next Angela Davis, I thought I had to give up on every creative aspiration I had.  And now, now that I've been progressing in an industry that is completely operated by appearances, relationships and oft-superficial bullshit, I've grown overtly cautious of causing too much of a stir- which means I've kind of given up reincarnating poor Ang. 

But getting reacquainted with MIA has reminded me that the concept of artist and activist don't have to exist on seperate planes. Its not an easy path to tread but its not impossible either. And, some chicks, like MIA, manage to make it look dope as well.

Go figure.

http://www.youtube.com/v/K1Bdw4HJ7Z0?version=3&autohide=1&autohide=1&showinfo=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=HOQBHoBLmHs5BKiZjq_VpA

Marquee

Back in August (2013), I found out there was a traveling documentary centered around the legendary House of Field premiering at Marquee. 

And it was open to the public.

Naturally, I brushed off my hologram platform sneakers and carried my ass to Chelsea that night. Full 'fro, flannel, stacked bangles and absolutely no fucks.

I can remember practically stomping the pavement as if it were a catwalk and my name were Naomi. I was totally consumed with the spirit of Carrie Bradshaw.  Even when my evil mind was whispering to me 'What if there's a list that Im not on?' and 'Oh, fuck look at all these dope ass people here', not ONCE did I feel out of place or not cool enough to be there- which is pretty maj for me.

As I walked up to the line, there were a few people already there but one woman in particular stood out. 

Her. Hair. Was. Everything.

It was past her shoulders and the orangest orange that ever did orange. And the color was PERFECTLY evened out. No streaks, no bands, no missed spots. Nothing less than perfection.

She told me I could go on ahead of her, as she had every intention of finishing her cigg first. I happily obliged. Eventually, she and her clique and about a hundred other people who looked like the original and authentic version of Sex and the City characters and tumblr inspirations filed in line behind moi.  

I listened to the lady tell stories about Patricia Field and working in the store for a good 45 minutes and I enjoyed every second of it. 

Seeing as I was the only weirdo who had come solo, when the doors to the venue opened, I was able to tunnel vision my way to the best seating area in the house. After everyone got they're kiki on they eventually all stuffed into my seating zipcode. 

The film came on and I immediately noticed this shindig was something like a family affair.  After the filmmaker said his peace and apologized for Pat not being present (which I had found out from Big Orange earlier) the movie opened with applause. Not necessarily out of excitement, but out of familiarity for sure. Apparently many of the people in the flick, were in the crowd, as well as friends and family of the 'house'. 

And sure enough, she was too.  Best Hair 2013 was actually HoF legend Codie Ravioli. And she had taken a spot directly across from me, which meant

1)I was surrounded by the coolest people of the House
2)I got to hear side stories/comments throughout

Score.

This night turned out to be pretty meaningful to me.  The film was obviously amazingly inspiring for any creative ambitious fighting young outsider. But it was also probably the first time, in the whole three years that I've lived here, in the whole time that I've been working in the fashion industry that I actually felt comfortable with my not-in-the-cool-clubness.  Like, I enjoyed the night, the scenery, the crowd, the vibes, everything WITHOUT feeling awkward at all. I did not feel like I wore the wrong shit. I didnt feel like anyone was looking at me disapprovingly. I didnt experience any of my normal oddball shit. I was just me. Amongst a bunch of cool ass folks. Thats it. 

Freedom from baggage and hang ups. Confidence in every move. Creative passion pulsating through my bod. It was the very feeling that I had always imagined Id have once I moved to New York. 

Flash forward to today. I dont know exactly how/why but I found out that Codie passed away- which prompted me to relive this night. May she sleep amongst the angels.

I Was Here

I want to be inspiring.

I want to be brave.

I want to be unafraid.

I want to encourage.

I want to motivate.

I want to be secure spiritually, emotionally, financially.

I want to be an activist.

I want to make an impact on people.

I want to make an impact on the world.

I want to be full of wisdom and knowledge.

I want to be free to make changes in my life on a whim.

I want to be creative.

I want to be an entrepreneur.

I want to be a writer.

I want to travel.

I want to live my life to its fullest capacity and potential.

I want to do what I was put on earth to do.

I want to be who I was put on earth to be.

I'm down like my internet connection

Internet Connection by M.I.A. from Pearson Philpot on Vimeo.

The internet is probably the single most important "product" of all time.

The end.


I'm not exactly in communication with the outside world these days (AT&T killed my iPhone and prior to that I killed Facebook off of it)- which means I've been getting hot and heavy with Mr.Internet a lot more. I am not being an overexaggerater when I say that I do not know what I would do if there were no internet.  I could not. I just absolutely couldfuckingnot.

Entertainment.  Education.  Enlightenment.  For free.

This week I got obsessed with the following

(Music)
Kanye West - Mercy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTI0KDuQl_4

Chester French - Black Girls http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO2naBxVbr8&feature=player_embedded

Kascade/ Scrillex - Lick It http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US7wauHA8MI

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwlogyj7nFE

(YouTube Channels)
Behind the Hustle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDKLo2emifA&feature=share
*Special thanks to the awesome @Ky_Rebel for mentioning on FB

Crash Course http://www.youtube.com/user/crashcourse
*Special thanks to my boyfriend Lupe Fiasco for mentioning on Twitter ;)

(Movies)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Sitter

(People)
Marchesa Luisa Casati

Mae West

This particular pic of Nina Sky

(Overall)
Vintage Hair tools, accessories, books, everything
Books

And tons of other shit.


I would've put the vids in the body of this post but mi lazy.  And I'm starting to think I may break the internest with my extensive posts loaded with pics and vids and shit.  There should probably be a part two to this post but I'm kinda inconsistent with the blogging (as you've probably noticed).

BaBopByeYa

I'm guessing being 'emotionally stable' isn't going to be one of this years accomplishments.

Who care's- there's always next year.

There's been a lot of movement in my life over the past few weeks.  I no longer work a job that makes me feel miserable and I have started to seriously build my brand in a few different areas.  And I've fallen in love.  With a girl.

Janelle Monae.

I had some epic bipolar shit going on recently where I felt completely heartbroken and uninspired and I couldn't see past the massive heap of shit I was standing in.  And then I listened to this shit.











And I honestly felt better.


Narrated my whole existence in like one hour.

Inspiration

I love the Fall.  I feel like every Fall represents a new beginning for me.  Its like one chapter inevitably comes to an end and another one begins...whether I like it or not.  I have been doing a lot with my 'hair' stuff (wix.com/pistolsandpetals/andrita) but I just got to a point within the last week where I just felt....done.  Not in a I-dont-want-to-do-this-anymore kind of way.  More like a what-is-the-next-step situation.

I have always been a goal oriented person and that has helped give structure and discipline to an ADHD, consistently mindfucked person such as myself.  But I just got into a confused state of mind and didnt know what my next steps should be in advancing my career and pursuing my dreams. 

My inspiration was a little askew.  The little shit I used to do to feel inspired and the places I used to look for inspiration wasn't cutting it.  Shit wasn't enough.  I needed something new, something stronger, something maybe more meaningful or thought provoking or something.

Thanks to Netflix, an indie music video director, Pandora, 2 completely OFF-days and a tube of black lipstick, I have gotten some inspiration. More specifically, iconic and classic film, art, literature and music legends have helped me get back into the groove.

Jean-Michel Basquiat.
Anna Karina.
Donald Goines.
Miles Davis.

Don't be surprised if I'm on some weird shit for the next few weeks or months; I am now unofficially in an alternate time zone.