Young, Fresh and New

I think we all get a bit uncertain about where we are, what we're doing and where we're going in life from time to time.

That is space I often find myself in and Im praying to the highest that this is something exclusive to my twenties and not a lifelong battle.

BUT

Everysinglefuckingtime I get to that point I usually immediately get a signal from the universe telling me whats up.

I did a gig for a major sneaker brand commercial campaign that I knew would be intense, as those kinds of gigs tend to be, but I didn't know what type of team I'd be spending the few days with- which makes the utmost difference.  

Much to my surprise, one of my favorite young stylists (Marcelo Gaia) was on board for the project and so was one of my favorite cool kids (Joey Labeija). And I was working with two awesome girls (Kira and Christy) on the H/MU team that I just met at a runway show I worked.

Trust, you do not understand how amazing it is to show up for a job that youre not yet sure about to find people that you already know and like in real life are going to be working beside you. You dont know how it feels to show up to a job full of fancy folks as an assistant and hear someone shout your name in excitement (or confused familiarity). Its like an affirmation that you, the technicolor haired black girl from Detroit, do in fact belong right where you are.

And to meet new people(people who are far more advanced in their careers than you/ people who are far more cooler and in demand than you) and they're receptive and warm to you without you doing a motherfucking thing but being your genuine natural born self- is quite amazing as well.

To simply be in the company of a few very talented young professionals who you KNOW are gonna make it to the top and have a mutual admiration/appreciation and belief in one another is all the verification I need to know that, even if I cant yet work out the details, Im certainly moving in the right direction.

Suspended

Don't you just love it when shit makes sense?  Isn't it grand when you're not suspended in a state of confusion? 

Maybe it's just me.  

The more I advance into (and through) my twenties I'm seeing that life is really about experience, reflection and impact.  On most days, those three simple ideas leave me with a case of the crazies wondering whether or not I'm doing it right.

But today is not one of those days.

I'm Baccarat. Or at least I'm as clear as I should be right now. Life has a really interesting way of bringing things to light for us. Folks say you should check yourself if you keep ending up in the same type of situations, and while I believe that to be true in many cases, its bullshit a lot of the time too. You are who you are and where you are for a reason.  Your mortal ass attempts at changing that are counterproductive to your purpose. Don't waste your time.  

I'm a Braveheart

"I drove an old school Beamer
You drove an eighteen wheeler
With nuclear bombs
Slowly dropping them down for fun
But I didn't run..." Brave, Kelis


No one wants to be fucking rejected. 

Like, ever, bro.

But the shit happens. Everyday. All day. 
To people who deserve it just as well as those who don't.

What are you gonna do?

I had a paralytic fear of rejection. I'm talking some unnormal-type shit.  I'da sooner died than put myself in a position to be played so brutally.  The thought of someone being able to look at me with the word "Loser" written across my forehead, and THEY'RE the one who put it there?? And I actually like THEIR ass? The HORROR!

Fuck. Outta. Here.
Not the kid.

...Until it actually happened. 
Twice.

Its hilarious.  I mean, my feelings were absolutely demolished at the time but that shits only fleeting.  Thank God.

What I'm trying to unload is that it wasn't that damn bad, now that I look back on it. So what? Bitches weren't feeling me, fine. It cost them nothing to pay me no mind. 

No matter how vile it may seem that someone isn't interested in your awesome ass; no matter how malicious their efforts in getting that message to you may actually be- it doesn't fucking matter.

In the end, you get a thicker skin out of the experience and know what to stay the hell away from in the future.

In the worst kinda way, I want you, you, you, you, you

I don't want no trouble

Just a little lovin'

I don't want ya money

I wanna get to know ya

You oughta get to know me

I wanna make you wander

And then the church said, "Amen".  

If you're lucky, every once in a while you'll meet someone who kinda puts you on your ass.  In a good way though.  Im talking about when someone makes you have a fucking seat for a second. And regardless of whether or not the feelings mutual, you can't help it.  Your ass is grass, officially, even if the moments only fleeting.


Before you know it, your ass is doing all types of frivolous bullshit to kill any idle time you may have.  Why? So you won't sit around daydreaming about inappropriate things you want to do with/to a stranger, of course. All the red flags in the world couldn't stop you from jumping out of the window with it. In a way, you've learned more about yourself in the last 24 hours than you've learned in the last 24 years. And that beats logic any day. 

Shit is legit.

Everyone knows I'm in over my head...

Those first moments at the beginning of a new crush are the shit epic poems, ballads and (once crushed) epitaphs are written in honor of.  Those moments are like coke in the seventies- pure and seemingly endless.  I love it.  I wish I could bottle that emotion and hang it around my neck like a souvenir, See, I'm not completely devoid of feelings. Maybe pin it to my hoodie as a reminder, Hey, it happened once so it could possibly/miraculously happen again...maybe. This way, when those off-moments (ahem, years) are in progress and it seems as if there is not a single soul in the whole fucking universe and solar system that fucking gets it, or that I get, I'd be instantly corrected and convinced to give heterosexuality yet another last chance at keeping me on its team.

Yep.

Boss shit.

I'd seriously like a little forgetmenot from those bizarre moments of extreme infatuation with someone you actually know is real life. However questionable the 'know' part may be.

So when I've gotten to the point where my MacBook itself stages an intervention over my extreme audio obsession from this



to this



and I'm looking at folks like this is tatted across my dome



..right before I snap out of it and make light of the situation



to finally a bit of restored pride



... and fury



I'll eventually make it back to





Soooooo yeah.  Someone needs to figure out how to get me one of these.

Supa Dupa Flyy

"...they wanna bring the 80's back/ that's o-k with me-thats where they made me at..."


I'm sure you've already peeped the subtle way that 90's fashion has been creeping back into the mainstream, right? The grunge trend, being the most obvious one, is my personal fave. Word on the street is that early 2000's fashion may be getting its second run soon too. At first I was terrified. That was the era when folks of my kind came of age. Two words: middle school. Eww. But then, I came across these images and I got to thinking and you know what? It may not be so bad after all.

all images from V Mag

Young, Fresh and New

Eternally the bossiest chick that ever existed.

A woman I've looked up to and admired since I was 12.

...And they wonder why I am the way I am ;)




I actually remember the original cover she did for the magazine.  She was wearing a Matthew Williamson dress and hadn't yet married Nas (not sure about that last part).  Loves her