Death is at the tip of her tongue

I'm in a real Lupe kinda mood these days.

I don't mean to sound like a Debbie Downer, and perhaps this is just some unofficial seasonal depression trying to kick in, but I really feel like the world as we know it is coming to a close.  

With all of the horrible injustices and inhumane things going on around the world in an era where we undoubtedly have the capacity to eliminate them all I find it difficult NOT to think like this.

I passed a homeless couple sitting outside on a bench in the cold today.  I dont know what pissed me off more- the fact that they had found no other solution but to just huddle and freeze, the fact that I had absolutely nothing to give them or the fact that, even if I did have something, I wouldve been afraid to offer it for fear that they'd stab me or something. 

Then, when I got home I tried to finally get a better understanding of, and enroll in, the new healthcare stuff.  I found out that my being a single young non-child bearing mother would cost me about $180 a month for coverage- which I obviously can not afford at this point.  So that means continued knocks on wood, overpriced out-of-pocket fees for doctors visits and jank ass medical attention from the low-cost facilities for my impending sinus infection.  

Simultaneously, I was perusing Craigslist in contemplation of picking up a side gig only to find that employers have lost their absolute motherfucking minds in 2013.  Retail stores were requiring cover letters, bachelors degrees and recent photos of applicants. 

Retail.

Are you fucking kidding me? To fold clothes for minimum wage?

And most of them have the audacity to require open availability/flexibility.  How can you ask someone to be free at your beck and call when your pay rate barely even covers the cost of the transportation to get them to you?

You want me to be a college educated professional to WORK in your store? Lets not even talk about what qualifications I need to SHOP in it...

There are LEVELS to the layers of disrespect that these major companies/corporations are dishing out to the everyday Joe Schmo.

Everything that I see in the world nowadays just makes me want to unplug. Not on some suicidal shit but just, like, fuck off from media of all sorts.  I know Im sounding really angst-y teen-y right now but everything looks like a bowl of bullshit as far as Im concerned.  

Im starting to feel like life in this era is just one big ass hologram. Most of us are constantly chasing these intangible ideas of happiness and freedom in a society whose main goal seems to be to convince you that that doesn't exist.  Or worse, they DO exist, you just have to play by these rules and follow these steps to just get closer to it.

I dont get it.  

And the really shitty part about it is that we have become so numb, complacent, accepting, selfish, lazy, or whatever you want to call it, that theres nothing left of this world but to self destruct and fast.

Hopefully whatever comes after us will retain the technological advances of ours but have the heart of the people before us.

Sing for Peace and Bang For Freedom

So.

Here goes.

I'm not angry.  I'm not bitter.  I'm not full of rage.

I am, however, interested.  Confused.  Concerned.

Irresponsible, yes, but I intentionally avoided the Trayvon Martin story like the plague.  I knew the back drop (a black kid was murdered by a white man for no apparent reason) but that was all. I knew there was audio of what happened up to his last breath and I knew that a hoodie was involved.  But that was as far as I knew.

I haven't exactly been the nicest person lately.  I've had more douche bag days since I've moved to NY than I've had in my entire life.  After a lot of reflecting about who I was, am and will be I realized I needed to change.  Long story short, I've been practicing....happiness.

My instincts told me that Trayvon would surely send me flying off the handle and counteract any progress I may have made.  And I reeeealllly didn't want that. I didn't want to be filled with hatred and pent up aggression over something I knew I would have little power over.

But that's not a good enough excuse to turn a blind eye on injustice.
And my Facebook newsfeed was becoming overwhelmingly flooded with everyone else's two cents on it. Including Sinead O'Connor.

I think her brilliant, on-time, love-filled chastising of America, the youth and the music industry was the straw that broke the camels back.

So now its my turn.

Firstly, I'd like to lovingly say, "FUCK YOUR FUCKING HOODIE".  Yes, the gesture was admirable.  And, yes,  the message/meaning behind it may have completely went over my head. But from where I'm standing, I can't possibly see what good wearing a fucking hoodie is going to do to demand justice for Trayvon's murder, counteract the KU KLUX KLAN-intiated bad reputation and stereotype of hoods OR make other black youth in America feel protected by the law and its enforcers.

Seriously, I can't see it. I guess seeing a bajillion people wearing hoodies would slightly soothe the family of Trayvon.  But that isn't enough.  In regards to the local governments, other 'watchmen', etc:

Where is the action?

Where is the follow up?

Where is the accountability?

Where is the apology?  The empathy? Hell, the sympathy?  Where is the promise or at least the false belief that somehow/someway there are efforts in place to ensure this type of thing won't happen again?

Of all the times America has lied to me, why can't it be now?  I'm clutching onto my last shred of faith in this nation world.  The religions, the governments, the economies have always been question(ed)(able) but most of us subscribed to those things wholeheartedly because......

it made sense?
it protected us?
it kept the peace?

Well, I'm having a hard time believing any of those things today.  It would be nice if the government of the nation that black people built would at least pretend to give a fuck.  Just this once.

And hold the phone right there because I'm totally not about to go on some 'black this, black that/America blah blah' rant.  That's not what this is about.  I'm actually questioning the moral compass of all of humanity.

What in the fuck are we doing?
Or, should I say, What in the fuck are we not?

Am I the only one who thinks we ( i.e. every living person on earth) are being duped?

Didn't Jason Russell just launch thee most genius campaign ever for regular ass folks like myself to help change the world? To take down a powerful war monger...VIA FUCKING FACEBOOK?????? Did he not just remind the citizens of the world the true power WE have in numbers alone?

And then what the fuck happened?

Whitney Houston died.  Trayvon Martin was murdered.  Jason Russell went nuts.  The end.

The Kony campaign has been swept under the rug as if it never even happened.  Those fuckin conspiracy theories usually sound ridiculous to me but if ever there was one that I could find myself believing in, it would be one based around this shit here.

All I'm saying is that there has to be something we can do.  There has to.  If there isn't, whats the fucking point?  Why should I want to abide by the laws of a nation when many of those laws won't protect me?  Why fit into the molds of a society that thinks injustice is merely a word and not a disgusting action that can be fought against? The ways of intolerant organized religion and out dated governing systems have not seemed to make this world a better place, in my humble opinion, so why not try a different approach?  I don't know much about the 'end times' but from what I've heard, this could very well be it. And if it is, I think its just on time.  But if its not, still, I think the world is beyond ready for some change.

So why not be a rebel and revolt?