"...but you’re the only one, cause I don’t trust these bitches
I don’t, I don’t trust these bitches
They might catch me slippin’
So you’re the only one, cause I don’t trust these bitches
...I can tell, I can tell, I can tell certain people don’t like me no more
New shit don’t excite me no more
Guess they don’t really make ‘em like me no more
You can look me in my eyes and see I aint myself
Cause if yall what I created than I hate myself"
That's exactly how I'm feeling right now.
New York,... I can't.
These people are unfuckingbelieveable.
Actually, they are totally believeable, stereotypical, simple minded and expected. I came here with the mentality that people would try to metaphorically fuck and suck me dry of anything I had that they could benefit from and whaddyaknow....
I guess being 'real' is just cool in conversation but in practice, don't nobody really do that shit no more. Like, it's too much to ask of a person to be upfront and honest. Fuck you scared of? People been calling me a lil beasty lately but really I wouldn't hurt a fly so I know you're not afraid of lil 'ol me. Like, did you just read some 48 Laws of Power chapters and all of a sudden wanna practice being a master of manipulation or something? Well, I did to. Difference is, I read it (not the whole shit lol) to better prepare myself for fuckwads I may encounter in my life that got the impression that I'm a complete retard because I'm from Detroit and apparently Detroit isn't one of the largest urban metropolis in the country or something. Like folks in Detroit are still picking cotton and haven't got hip to shit that's going on in the Rotten Apple. I'm buggin, I know. Blame it on the hormones. Or whatever makes its sound like I'm not about go on a rampage.
You ever watched someone try to play you right in front of your face? I'm talking on some this muhfucka can't be for real type shit? Like, wow, I wonder what you would do if I really just put you on blast right now? Wonder what your face would look like lol. But no, thats the easy route. I actually take quite the pleasure in knowing when I'm being underestimated and preyed upon. I know that sounds sinister and I don't mean that in a negative way. Being aware of someone's ill intention is empowering.
New York is doing something to me. I can't decide whether I like it or not but I'm almost certain that its for the better good. I pray so much for God to turn me into the woman I believe He wants me to be and this is probably apart of the process so I need to stop complaining I guess. But this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to. I just love getting this stuff off my chest. Once I get it out, I'm done with it.
Drake is like my best friend right now. He gets it. So in the age old debate I always have going with myself about whether I should continue to be my natural non-trusting self or attempt to let people in and experience greatness in being human I think I've decided to just do what comes naturally. I have enough friends. I'm blessed beyond belief to have such genuine people in my life (shout out to everywhere BUT NY for producing authenic folks). They keep me sane when they actually answer the phone ;)
This post, for once, is NOT about a boy :)
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