Despair

   At some point over the weekend, I practically lost my shit.  On the N train. 

There were my emotions, running all high from peoples responses to the Trayvon Martin verdict, coupled with personal roadblocks that were staring me in the face.  

And there on public transportation, while just beginning to cross over the bridge to Brooklyn, I felt like I was about to emotionally combust into a state of manic depression right there for the world to see.  

All I could think about was how easily and how close I’d gotten to things going incredibly bad for me with my personal bullshit. And then I thought about how horrible and unredeemable the human race had become in relation to the Zimmerman trial. And then I thought about how pointless and purposeless this whole life thing really is in general. And then I tried to navigate my mind out of that darkness and this song came on.  And the lyrics hit me for the first time really and at the most perfect moment.  

In the three short years that I’ve been living in this city I have had so many many experiences. I have been tested in so many different ways and on so many different occasions. I used to joke when I first moved here that New York was determined to make a woman out of me- a strong woman out of me. And it wouldnt let up until I embodied the type of woman Ive always wanted to be.

This city has been kicking my fucking ass since I stepped foot here. Yet everytime I’ve fallen on my ass, it’s offered its hand to help me back up...as long as I was up for another beating. Another beating always seems to be right around the corner. And so does another “I love this city”.

So I guess after I’d just been handed my ass again by life, I needed a friendly reminder.
Thank you New York.

You’re there
From begining to middle to end.