If you do not want to see me again, I would understand

When someone extremely important to your very existence is unnecessarily MIA.

I miss absolutely everything about my friend.  No she's not dead.  But I'm probably dead to her.  And she has been quite ghostly to me as well for the longest.  No, we didn't do anything evil to one another. No, there was no backstabbing or boyfriend stealing or any other typical cat fight shit going on.  We just fell apart. And not a day goes by that I don't wish I could just call her up and play some corny emo song and laugh my ass off about stupid shit that we used to do ten years ago.

It really sucks- growing into the woman you've always wanted to be without your codependent confidante, your right hand, your biggest fan, your....everything, in a sense. It wasn't supposed to be like this.  Its not supposed to be like this.  We were supposed to grow together.  We are supposed to exchange life experiences and shitty advice just like we did when we were sixteen.  We are still supposed to be enabling each other to do stupid shit and encouraging the brave, bold new adventures we encounter.  I don't want to date guys that I haven't gotten her approval on yet.  I don't want to post pics on my Instagram that she hasn't told me look cute yet.  I don't want to buy books and ask strangers for life advice that she could be giving me with complete understanding and enthusiasm.  Its like seeing something cool when you're out by yourself and looking desperately around to see if someone else saw it too. Someone you can share that moment with.  And,...nothing.  Your ass is just left hanging.

Sure, I was blessed enough to have more than one best friend in this life but I still want the one that I lost.






Perfection