As difficult as it sounds

Its not often that I get to talk about death openly.  For some reason, I'm somehow always mid-convo with my sister when I feel a verbal rampage coming on.  And she is the last person on earth that wants to hear about this subject.  According to her, I've always been somewhat 'morbid' in the sense that I seem to talk about death too recklessly.

No one wants to talk about death.  Yet most people are afraid of it.  Hell, Im certainly afraid of it but that doesn't stop the curiosity from surrounding it.   I do notice that I try not to think about it too much though cuz more often than not, it takes my mind to place thats not cool.

Today a kid I went to school with died of cancer. I wasn't close with him during his time of illness but I still can't stop thinking about it.  How it easily could've been me instead.  Why wasn't it me? Why has his life been taken and mine spared today?  What's the difference? How could this have happened? These are all things we've been conditioned to NOT ask or wonder about.  But I can't help it.

I'm not always certain about things in life or have a solid opinion about things but when it comes to death, my thoughts have remained consistent throughout the years.  I believe that we are sent here for a multitude of reasons.  One of the main ones is to make an impact on someone or something, big or small. Once we complete that specific task, I believe it is our time to go. So when I look around at the things I've done in life, the people I've motivated, inspired, helped and/or loved, I feel like I've accomplished/impacted enough people and things for my time to be up as well.  Looking at my friends Facebook page, I can tell that he did his job; he completed his assignment from the higher power. Stay with me.  Im not suicidal in the least bit.  I'm just saying.

Furthermore, I believe that we are here to learn about life and humanity as well as about our individual selves.  We are also here for the journey.  I always catch myself telling someone "...life's all about the journey" when they have a decision to make; especially if they're leaning towards the less popular option.  I believe we should spend our short time here doing things that make us feel something inside and I spend everyday of my life trying to make that my personal reality. I sincerely try to cherish every moment and enjoy it as if it may be my last because I understand, wholeheartedly, that its not guaranteed.  

We begin and we end, physically, but I do believe that something else happens when we expire.  I always wonder about atheists- if we are simply born and buried, whats the point of following the rules? Paying taxes? Being a nice, decent member or society? If theres no other reason for life other than death then wheres the anarchy? Why be governed? You won't allow yourself to be governed by a higher power but you will allow yourself to be governed by man? I don't get it. I don't know whose story of the beginning of the world is right.  I don't know if your soul floats to the sky and you grow a halo and wings when you die. But I do know that theres something bigger than people and science keeping mankind alive and well.