Weird. I had a conversation today that made me take a good look at myself today. After a long walk through the Lower East Side and a few more pages of the Led Zepplin biography,it was still kinda taunting me a bit. Randomly, I had an urge to listen to Return of Saturn, by No Doubt. As this song played out I had an epiphany.
For leasing myself out
Not ready to go up for sale
Can't seem to give it up
Stubborn, so selfish
I'm showing off the worst in me
Assessing my life
Second guessing...
I had had a conversation with someone. They were being open and honest so I felt comfortable with doing the same. But when my honesty came out, it was not good. Well articulated, yes. Honest, yes. But the essence of what I was saying was not attractive at all. And looking back on it, while it was true, it was such a small (and conflicting) window into who I am that it could've gone without saying.
I'm gonna do better.
I'm full of artificial sweetener
My heart's been deceitful
It's all artificial sweetener
My heart's been deceitful
I'm faking I love you's
You're forcing me to
I'm totally not ready and ready at the same time. I want it and don't want it at the same time. And I've been chillin' in that middle space of content. And now life's a-knockin', making me feel the need to move to one side of the fence or the other.
:/
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