Everyone knows I'm in over my head...

Those first moments at the beginning of a new crush are the shit epic poems, ballads and (once crushed) epitaphs are written in honor of.  Those moments are like coke in the seventies- pure and seemingly endless.  I love it.  I wish I could bottle that emotion and hang it around my neck like a souvenir, See, I'm not completely devoid of feelings. Maybe pin it to my hoodie as a reminder, Hey, it happened once so it could possibly/miraculously happen again...maybe. This way, when those off-moments (ahem, years) are in progress and it seems as if there is not a single soul in the whole fucking universe and solar system that fucking gets it, or that I get, I'd be instantly corrected and convinced to give heterosexuality yet another last chance at keeping me on its team.

Yep.

Boss shit.

I'd seriously like a little forgetmenot from those bizarre moments of extreme infatuation with someone you actually know is real life. However questionable the 'know' part may be.

So when I've gotten to the point where my MacBook itself stages an intervention over my extreme audio obsession from this



to this



and I'm looking at folks like this is tatted across my dome



..right before I snap out of it and make light of the situation



to finally a bit of restored pride



... and fury



I'll eventually make it back to





Soooooo yeah.  Someone needs to figure out how to get me one of these.

Clocks

Sometimes shit just doesn't make any sense.


None of it.


And sometimes, right once you think you've gotten it all figured out, the conclusions you came to just slip between your fingers like water.  And try as you might to hold onto it your attempts prove futile and its gone.  And you're left looking stupid trying to figure out if it ever really existed to begin with.


truths turn to curiosities
curiosities to questions
questions that lead to no definite answers.


And thats the end of it, in all its uncertain glory.


Life.

Random acts of poetry: No. 7

I wouldn't believe today yesterday

but I'm happy that happened right now

So many horrible blessings

Such angelic terror

Cocktailed to perfection

WIth your feet in the air, your head on the ground

Balance.

I'm starting to believe that this is simply a concept and not an actual attainable thing to be had by us mere mortals.  Or at least not this mere mortal.  If my life were a balance scale, I would never be able to rest at that even point. I always find myself tipping more to one side than the other.

And the shitty part is that this is totally unintentional.  Not even desirable.  I am infinitely aware of the importance of having balance in life.  And yet I still can't seem to get the shit right.  Maybe the Sex and the City girls were right in their theory that women can never really have it all.  I mean, duh, I know that.  But like, having  healthy work, romantic, spiritual and personal relationships AT THE SAME DAMN TIME?- nope. Not  buying it any longer.

So at this moment right here my opinion is that balance is a fucking facade.  Anything that you do well will inevitably require a lot of time and commitment.  This means that other areas will have to subside, thereby be neglected.  That sounds like imbalance to me. But what do I know?

I know that I am not holding my breath on acquiring this particular figment of my imagination any time soon. And I'm not even mad about it.

Untitled random acts of poetry: No. 6

Never in a million days

Not even with the perfect words

Could wear my smile a hundred ways

Still could never remove this curse

*train ride home.

Random acts of Poetry: A.M.E.

Strong as whiskey
Smile every time your lips kiss me
Your loves warm
Can't imagine life if you weren't with me
You set the proper tone
For a young girl to follow her own
Empowered me more than any that I've ever known
Sometimes I wonder if I make you proud
Just know I'm doing everything to show you how
I may not say it much but I felt that I should say it now
When anyone looks at you they should automatically take a bow

I love you

*I wrote this around Mother's Day while thinking about how blessed I am to have this broad in my life ;).  My thoughts were actually more so along the lines of how I CANNOT in any way, shape or form understand how people go on with their lives after losing a parent that they were actually close to. It blows my mind completely.  I'd be dead or in a mental institution if I had to go through that. I am immensely confuzzled by their source of strength.