tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11388727024182164732024-02-19T07:18:37.093-08:00Pistols + PetalsIn Pursuit of...andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.comBlogger201125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-57191000652886056012019-09-29T17:59:00.000-07:002019-09-29T18:13:16.301-07:00spipsteri cant believe this thing is still on.<br />
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i always thought new york city kept you young... hip... <i>cool</i>. but i've only <i>skimmed</i> over my last post and quickly realized just how much you can age in a new york year. or five.</div>
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i don't give enough of a shit at present moment to document the ways this here life has evolved since i last neglected this space. plus, the efficiency of my memory is hella questionable. </div>
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so, we shall start from today.</div>
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therapy is a luxury i simply cannot afford at the moment and i doubt it'd do me any better than writing has proven to do in the past. grammatical errors, inconsistent tense usages and all. so i'm giving the ol' blog a second go as an experiment in self-soothing, exploration and reflection. oh, and most importantly, indulgence. </div>
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so. much. indulgence. why? because this is nyc and the most your friends will give you is about twenty minutes total to unload all your shit, a few empathetic nods, and a cliche positive catchphrase before it's their turn to spiral. here, i can go on for<i>fucking</i>ever because, chances are, no one will ever see it and they certainly won't read past the first few lines.</div>
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i've been feeling like a walking eye rolling emoji lately. i am over it all. not like i want to jump off the williamsburg bridge or anything crazy but i <i>have</i> considered throwing myself on the train tracks of the marcy ave j platform. that motherfucker runs slow enough to guarantee a failed suicide attempt for. sure. </div>
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okokokok, that's a wee bit dramatic. life's actually pretty aiight, in general. i'm working, but i'm honestly feeling like i'm not getting any type of respect on my name in my industry <i>considering</i>. i also feel like a bitch is turning into one of those people who has a career and nothing more... no nothing else. a real Deliver Us From Eva-ass, Miranda Priestly-ass, Pat McGrath-ass spinster-in-training. side note, i've been trying all day to get this one joke off and neither of my test audience so much as chuckled.<br />
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wanna hear it?<br />
spipsters.<br />
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the punchline is Spipsters: a new term for millennial women who are part spinster and part hipster. get it? still crickets, i'm guessing. anyways, i've become super career obsessed and my career been treating me like it's not fucking with me like that so i'm looking for a hobby to have an affair with. any ideas?</div>
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i've been trying on men but bitch, just...no. i mean, i do think i may have stumbled upon a normal one this summer though. he's a whole lot of shit i've never been able to say about any other dude- and in a good way. but he has a set of red flags that, while slow to show, are probably about to send one of us off the williamsburg bridge for sure. yes, i can clearly see that i sound like a pessimist and yes, that is who i generally am as a person but in this case, just trust that i'm not being nuts. that, or, i actually am completely fucking nuts. blame it on bushwick.</div>
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yup, i'm slumming it up in bushwick after two years in battery park. i love my new place but the neighborhood is dirty as fuck. i live a stone's throw away from an off-again on-again boo that i've figured out waaaayy too many alternative routes home in effort to not run into. my neighbor cracks open the fire hydrant for their kids to play in damn near everyday. and it's practically october. i thought the shit was very spike lee's brooklyn at first. now it just makes me think about the earth's limited natural resources and gives me anxiety. i hate it. help.</div>
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have you ever read 'the bell jar'?<br />
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when i was reading it, more than a few women warned me the book was dangerous. i was like, 'maybe for you, sis, but <i>im </i>from detroit'. i have since adopted this theory that the book is like one of those movies where if your nosey ass watches a certain tape, or open a certain book/door/whatever-the-fuck, you're automatically doomed. no escape. that's the bell jar. that's where i am right now. except the doom is an eternal state of <i>meh</i> more than anything else.</div>
andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-14477302889623321822015-01-08T21:11:00.000-08:002015-01-08T21:23:23.836-08:00i'm like a rubber band- till you pull too hard<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">its a brand new year but i can't stop thinking about old shit. Old people, to be exact. Not old as in age but old in reference to the time when they were actively a part of my life. Old boos, old friends, old enemies, old goals, all of that. I've been really thinking lately</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">what the fuck happened?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Specifically with friends. Im a person that may value friendship much more than the next person. It takes a lot for me to no longer want to fight for you to be in my life. I suppose you shouldn't have to fight for your friends to be your friends but,ya know, shit happens. Things aren't peaches and cream 100% of the time with your true blues. Sometimes things get fuzzy and one of you have to grow up before things get too out of hand. And hopefully the other person gets the fucking hint and get their shit together. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Unfortunately that doesn't always happen and you end up having to decide how long you want to stand out on that olive branch alone. Or you have to have a pep talk with yourself to figure out at what point did you two outgrow each other. Where was the disconnect? Are <i>you</i> actually the asshole in the situation? I hate that shit. But it's happened. And it seems like the older I get, the more often its come to that.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Im a Capricorn and I think we're fiercely loyal by nature. I am also an introvert, a loner and a person who generally does not enjoy meeting new people. Especially at this point living in NYC working in fashion where the odds of meeting an actual genuine person are against you. That being said, once I find you and figure out that I like being around you, you're mine for life. And even when when you are tap dancing on my last motherfucking nerve or being a complete asshole, I'll still be down for you.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">...but only as long as I'm sure you'd do the same for me.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If not, my friend-love immediately turns into resentment and hurt and disgust. Or just pity.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">PS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Elastic Heart was one of my favorite records from 2014. Constantly on repeat for the longest. It actually made me feel feelings- which i don't typically do (jk). There were so many lyrics that hit home and the entire 1000 Forms of Fear album solidified Sia as one of my favorite artist/musicians of the decade. The video for Elastic Heart was a bit late for me but it was also shockingly on time, at the same damn time. Makes sense to me.</span></div>
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-16959506250682003052015-01-05T21:38:00.000-08:002015-01-07T20:30:05.035-08:00"Man, these kids wear crowns over here"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">bust it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">let me just take a moment to give drizzy drake some love. i heard an old record of his that came out before i left detroit and it sent me to a warm place (it also sent me into a pre 2013 drake listening session). i may or may not have a drake quote on deck for every emotion, event, instagram caption, tweet, status, blog post ever in life. no one gets me like drake does.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">ok, not really, but really. don't judge me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">ah, the trials and tribulations of being a twenty something. a kid in search of self. a person on a pursuit of happiness. and all the superficial and all consuming distractions/setbacks that you meet along the way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">im closing in on year 27 of my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">27 was special. 27 was scary. 27 was everything.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i spent a great deal of this year being an angsty little twat stuck in her second pathetic teenagehood- complaining about first world problems one minute and trying to think of a way to change the society the next. seriously. i also often found myself straddling a thin line between feeling super accomplished and feeling like an utter failure. but ultimately i learned that thats pretty fucking normal for andrita, so yeah. such is life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i got in my own way a lot this year. put my foot in my mouth a bit this year. i chose to do shit my way (aka the hard way)a lot at 27, too, always finding comfort and refuge in the fact that I'm 'an artist', so its fine.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">bullshit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">at 28, i hope to take heed to everything my old heads, mentors, oracles, stars and crystal balls tell me. I'm gonna put my own stank on it, of course, but I WILL OBEY in this next chapter. Doing shit your own way is fun and fulfilling and all that but being a broke ass with no IRA or passport fucking SUCKS. Im abandoning Team Starving Artist.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">ha. I'm only half serious about that one. 27 was an unstable mindfuck that required me to call on every life lesson I've ever learned but I honestly had a good time, a great time. And I'm closing out on a good note, optimistic and grateful for what I've experienced and whats in store next.</span><br />
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-68229515339387804772014-12-30T09:00:00.000-08:002014-12-31T13:29:31.168-08:00"...and the whole wide world is filled with cheer"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i finally got to hit the reset button on my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i’ve been in georgia for a few days and despite my family being annoying i’ve been feeling motivated and positive about work and life in general. And that is a good thing. its amazing what a little bit of vitamin d can do for a lady. i have to admit i am ready to get back to the concrete jungle. per us, i have no idea how I’m going to make rent this month and have officially run out of time to figure it out. and i just spotted an in-season (and former wish list item) Marc Jacobs tote on clearance for $75. mfml.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">my sister has a new mattress that is the exact same as what id imagine ex with iris elba to be like. theres not a single piece of evidence in my brooklyn dungeon that a grown up inhabits the space. i don’t give a shit the end of next year i want that thang in my possession.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">speaking of adult like activities, my fam let me make the macronie and cheese for xmas dinner. like, from scratch, mac n cheese. and if theres one thing you probably already know about me its that i can’t cook for shit. my stove and fridge are just extra storage space. so yeah, the mac n cheese thing- big shit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i semi-followed a mix of a patti labelle recipe and my sisters instructions. it came out marrrrrrrvelous, dahling. i can’t wait to get back to brooklyn and spread my new talent.</span><br />
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-14935459269213054212014-12-19T14:52:00.001-08:002014-12-19T15:50:25.963-08:00Very Heavy Metal and Reflective<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i'm surprised i still remember the password for this thing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">fuck, its been so long. not sure what I'm doing revisiting this platform again but there were things in my head that needed to be released in its own separate space and capacity. so here i am, in the same outlet i created while i was miserable in detroit. i am now miserable in new york, but chill, its fleeting. i'm a few days away from a vacay and i'll most definitely be back to normal by the time i return to my beloved brooklyn. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">i've been meaning to delete this cringeworthy archive of ancient experiences and dreams and goals and inspirations and aspirations but i never got around to it. i like how that worked out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">in the time between my last post here and me typing these words right now i've spent a great deal of energy trying to make sure that my internet existence didn't affect my career prospects. i wanted to make sure that when my name was googled, no fuckshit came up. that didn't work completely- there are still a few questionable/tacky/low-res bad creative decisions i made in the past that are alive and easily accessible via google. i did create a blog specifically for my work and work related shit that I'm very proud of. i thought of using that platform for my Sex and the City/IMO-type posts but my instincts said 'nah, thats a horrendous idea' and i NEVER go against my instincts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">here you'll find me in purest form, politically incorrect in every sense of the word, foul mouthed, sarcastic, weird, obsessed and contradicting. heavy metal and reflective.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-15171092115766311122013-11-19T19:26:00.000-08:002013-11-19T19:42:30.404-08:00Death is at the tip of her tongue<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm in a real Lupe kinda mood these days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I don't mean to sound like a Debbie Downer, and perhaps this is just some unofficial seasonal depression trying to kick in, but I really feel like the world as we know it is coming to a close. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">With all of the horrible injustices and inhumane things going on around the world in an era where we undoubtedly have the capacity to eliminate them all I find it difficult NOT to think like this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I passed a homeless couple sitting outside on a bench in the cold today. I dont know what pissed me off more- the fact that they had found no other solution but to just huddle and freeze, the fact that I had absolutely nothing to give them or the fact that, even if I did have something, I wouldve been afraid to offer it for fear that they'd stab me or something. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Then, when I got home I tried to finally get a better understanding of, and enroll in, the new healthcare stuff. I found out that my being a single young non-child bearing mother would cost me about $180 a month for coverage- which I obviously can not afford at this point. So that means continued knocks on wood, overpriced out-of-pocket fees for doctors visits and jank ass medical attention from the low-cost facilities for my impending sinus infection. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Simultaneously, I was perusing Craigslist in contemplation of picking up a side gig only to find that employers have lost their absolute motherfucking minds in 2013. Retail stores were requiring cover letters, bachelors degrees and recent photos of applicants. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Retail.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Are you fucking kidding me? To fold clothes for minimum wage?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And most of them have the audacity to require open availability/flexibility. How can you ask someone to be free at your beck and call when your pay rate barely even covers the cost of the transportation to get them to you?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You want me to be a college educated professional to WORK in your store? Lets not even talk about what qualifications I need to SHOP in it...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There are LEVELS to the layers of disrespect that these major companies/corporations are dishing out to the everyday Joe Schmo.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Everything that I see in the world nowadays just makes me want to unplug. Not on some suicidal shit but just, like, fuck off from media of all sorts. I know Im sounding really angst-y teen-y right now but everything looks like a bowl of bullshit as far as Im concerned. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Im starting to feel like life in this era is just one big ass hologram. Most of us are constantly chasing these intangible ideas of happiness and freedom in a society whose main goal seems to be to convince you that that doesn't exist. Or worse, they DO exist, you just have to play by these rules and follow these steps to just get closer to it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I dont get it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And the really shitty part about it is that we have become so numb, complacent, accepting, selfish, lazy, or whatever you want to call it, that theres nothing left of this world but to self destruct and fast.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Hopefully whatever comes after us will retain the technological advances of ours but have the heart of the people before us.</span><br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/IcPUg7tl7bs" width="459"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-36241577765049389172013-11-16T18:13:00.000-08:002013-11-19T19:43:44.818-08:00Transitionin' from Standing Out to Fitting In<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You know how when you have a low moment in life and all you want to do is dial up your closest people and just...talk?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And no one answers?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Thats the fuckin worst, bruv.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And then there you are, all hypersensitive and shit, left to sort out your latest mid life crisis in absolute solitude. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Fuckityfuck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And you know that even if they DID answer the gotdamn phone, there would probably be little to no understanding or solution to whatever latest debacle you're going through today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You dont care. You just want to be assured that someone is there. Thats it. Even if they cant do a motherfucking thing, you just want them to hold the phone and listen. Or better yet, at least pretend that you're not a kook and you're complete rightgeous in feeling however it is that you feel or believing whatever it is that you're believing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Like when you barely have two nickels to your name but you're working like a MVP. And <i>you know</i> that money is coming- lots of it. You have the invoices to prove it. But until that unbeknownst-to-man day comes, you're living on magic beans. And, truthfully speaking, you almost dont even mind it because you're in love with the overall nature of your life. But no one else gets it. And no one else seems to want to hear that shit. And <i>that</i> shit is usually the straw that breaks the camels back when it comes to your ability to persevere. Fuckin holdin on to the dream gets really real when no one is seeing or believing the shit but your sole unstable ass.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If it weren't for that one time you were prepared to put your very last ten bucks for dinner on the counter and the cashier told you your total was only fifty-nine cent due to some invisible coupons that you didnt even know you earned on that bum ass rewards card on your keychain....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If it weren't for that one time your dont-see-often friend (rather bewitchingly)hit you up for dinner/movie <b>ON THEM</b> when you you thought you were gonna be forced to spend another afternoon at home contemplating getting a job at McDonalds or entering the sex trade....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">If it weren't for the fact that doors have consistently and continuously been flying open and ways have been made repeatedly throughout your journey....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">you might've given up by now. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But thank God you know better than that.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Because if you can't handle not having someone to pat you on the back and tell you every things going to be ok then how in the hell are you gonna handle all the proverbial slaps in the face that you will certainly continue to get while trying to carve out a career and life in this city? How will you deal when you show up to a gig and you're the only splash of melanin on the entire set? Or when you're surrounded by people who absolutely refuse to be real and instead propel lifestyles of very real materialistic wealth but faux happiness (or the dyslexic ones who are genuinely happy to boast fake/short term material wealth)? How will you handle the people who are only in your life to keep tabs on you and not actually support a single thing you do? The ones who are only interested in keeping their foot in your neck? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm still only at the beginning of my journey but I can very well see the many pitfalls that stand between me and my dreams and Im just hoping I dont fall into one of them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/2mi4zfH5ac4" width="480"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-3666072761669054182013-11-15T06:28:00.001-08:002013-11-15T06:28:11.113-08:00Young, Fresh and New<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtxnZcL3_4OfrGJhzgaaU6NCpqWTK-jwgfWsyJKHBodC3eCAiS2Q-vPLBRhthbp2ZQZluFTVXXjMOc3pyZUo0q_qEmd_GA916HTLyWgTmud4UirmQfDOSXJdWUQcG5kxm-ALcxuK7CELtk/s1600/v.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtxnZcL3_4OfrGJhzgaaU6NCpqWTK-jwgfWsyJKHBodC3eCAiS2Q-vPLBRhthbp2ZQZluFTVXXjMOc3pyZUo0q_qEmd_GA916HTLyWgTmud4UirmQfDOSXJdWUQcG5kxm-ALcxuK7CELtk/s640/v.png" width="427" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I think we all get a bit uncertain about where we are, what we're doing and where we're going in life from time to time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That is space I often find myself in and Im praying to the highest that this is something exclusive to my twenties and not a lifelong battle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">BUT</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Everysinglefuckingtime I get to that point I usually immediately get a signal from the universe telling me whats up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I did a gig for a major sneaker brand commercial campaign that I knew would be intense, as those kinds of gigs tend to be, but I didn't know what type of team I'd be spending the few days with- which makes the utmost difference. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Much to my surprise, one of my favorite young stylists (Marcelo Gaia) was on board for the project and so was one of my favorite cool kids (Joey Labeija). And I was working with two awesome girls (Kira and Christy) on the H/MU team that I just met at a runway show I worked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Trust, you do not understand how amazing it is to show up for a job that youre not yet sure about to find people that you already know and like in real life are going to be working beside you. You dont know how it feels to show up to a job full of fancy folks as an assistant and hear someone shout your name in excitement (or confused familiarity). Its like an affirmation that you, the technicolor haired black girl from Detroit, do in fact belong right where you are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And to meet new people(people who are far more advanced in their careers than you/ people who are far more cooler and in demand than you) and they're receptive and warm to you without you doing a motherfucking thing but being your genuine natural born self- is quite amazing as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">To simply be in the company of a few very talented young professionals who you KNOW are gonna make it to the top and have a mutual admiration/appreciation and belief in one another is all the verification I need to know that, even if I cant yet work out the details, Im certainly moving in the right direction.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/r-dAOVM1C8M" width="480"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-16697579821015134912013-11-06T15:27:00.000-08:002013-11-06T15:28:34.085-08:00Brown Girl, Turn Your Shit Down<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Such an interesting social climate we're living in.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Such an interesting social landscape I'm living in.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I just went to see MIA live at Terminal 5 and, consequently, I've been functioning on a different wavelength ever since. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioeKcx6LTf4sJJtKT9RPgien3lsvvoPC7h5h7xM6_nvLOm3LKREI5NzCJpAgCiCQ7lGnXf8OPMtnqVN07G2YzNVrvB8d1h66c3AUJEbxvnsKmy8gy3dYpjMAdi_FL6Y3HUZdJBeqACMB_J/s1600/Fotor1106182256.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioeKcx6LTf4sJJtKT9RPgien3lsvvoPC7h5h7xM6_nvLOm3LKREI5NzCJpAgCiCQ7lGnXf8OPMtnqVN07G2YzNVrvB8d1h66c3AUJEbxvnsKmy8gy3dYpjMAdi_FL6Y3HUZdJBeqACMB_J/s640/Fotor1106182256.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">At one point in my life, I was quite serious about the idea of being a social activist...as a career. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And now I'm a hair stylist. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Funny, no?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Well, as much as there are a shitload of injustices going on in this nation and beyond, I haven't quite figured out my own personal avenue in making an impact on a single fucking thing. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The point is, at the time that I wanted to be the next Angela Davis, I thought I had to give up on every creative aspiration I had. And now, now that I've been progressing in an industry that is completely operated by appearances, relationships and oft-superficial bullshit, I've grown overtly cautious of causing too much of a stir- which means I've kind of given up reincarnating poor Ang. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But getting reacquainted with MIA has reminded me that the concept of artist and activist don't have to exist on seperate planes. Its not an easy path to tread but its not impossible either. And, some chicks, like MIA, manage to make it look dope as well.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Go figure.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
http://www.youtube.com/v/K1Bdw4HJ7Z0?version=3&autohide=1&autohide=1&showinfo=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=HOQBHoBLmHs5BKiZjq_VpAandritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-62924337859443720912013-10-24T20:11:00.000-07:002013-10-24T20:11:13.716-07:00Marquee<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4kZiRrFHu36UKqzU14JlTPDKcJH6ijWcoez4u_Sgo_vnmDnspKpQf6NSH8KcAsxEx25nzTeZUEoRQx2TMkhQ8U6J5TpPzJK3vSxLksrTC5F3SZsFQGJ6S2aA8iLf0QfI5yBh-2yxfOKoP/s1600/IMG_6368.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4kZiRrFHu36UKqzU14JlTPDKcJH6ijWcoez4u_Sgo_vnmDnspKpQf6NSH8KcAsxEx25nzTeZUEoRQx2TMkhQ8U6J5TpPzJK3vSxLksrTC5F3SZsFQGJ6S2aA8iLf0QfI5yBh-2yxfOKoP/s640/IMG_6368.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Back in August (2013), I found out there was a traveling documentary centered around the legendary House of Field premiering at Marquee. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And it was open to the public.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Naturally, I brushed off my hologram platform sneakers and carried my ass to Chelsea that night. Full 'fro, flannel, stacked bangles and absolutely no fucks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I can remember practically stomping the pavement as if it were a catwalk and my name were Naomi. I was totally consumed with the spirit of Carrie Bradshaw. Even when my evil mind was whispering to me 'What if there's a list that Im not on?' and 'Oh, fuck look at all these dope ass people here', not ONCE did I feel out of place or not cool enough to be there- which is pretty maj for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUao-Drf7XiE0k0zRhWxkKMP9gXv23gIyvbqQpfydkASAoz_LNOCEz5olYNhukbsbO6pbMFvssinIvLhAAJLwM913EzZVEvAjQcZ85-hld4dNLMHO5a4IvO5e-FzIBrPrD36a9Yvh1nZMX/s1600/IMG_6366.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUao-Drf7XiE0k0zRhWxkKMP9gXv23gIyvbqQpfydkASAoz_LNOCEz5olYNhukbsbO6pbMFvssinIvLhAAJLwM913EzZVEvAjQcZ85-hld4dNLMHO5a4IvO5e-FzIBrPrD36a9Yvh1nZMX/s640/IMG_6366.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As I walked up to the line, there were a few people already there but one woman in particular stood out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Her. Hair. Was. Everything.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was past her shoulders and the orangest orange that ever did orange. And the color was PERFECTLY evened out. No streaks, no bands, no missed spots. Nothing less than perfection.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She told me I could go on ahead of her, as she had every intention of finishing her cigg first. I happily obliged. Eventually, she and her clique and about a hundred other people who looked like the original and authentic version of Sex and the City characters and tumblr inspirations filed in line behind moi. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I listened to the lady tell stories about Patricia Field and working in the store for a good 45 minutes and I enjoyed every second of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Seeing as I was the only weirdo who had come solo, when the doors to the venue opened, I was able to tunnel vision my way to the best seating area in the house. After everyone got they're kiki on they eventually all stuffed into my seating zipcode. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The film came on and I immediately noticed this shindig was something like a family affair. After the filmmaker said his peace and apologized for Pat not being present (which I had found out from Big Orange earlier) the movie opened with applause. Not necessarily out of excitement, but out of familiarity for sure. Apparently many of the people in the flick, were in the crowd, as well as friends and family of the 'house'. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And sure enough, she was too. Best Hair 2013 was actually HoF legend Codie Ravioli. And she had taken a spot directly across from me, which meant</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">1)I was surrounded by the coolest people of the House</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">2)I got to hear side stories/comments throughout</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Score.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This night turned out to be pretty meaningful to me. The film was obviously amazingly inspiring for any creative ambitious fighting young outsider. But it was also probably the first time, in the whole three years that I've lived here, in the whole time that I've been working in the fashion industry that I actually felt comfortable with my not-in-the-cool-clubness. Like, I enjoyed the night, the scenery, the crowd, the vibes, everything WITHOUT feeling awkward at all. I did not feel like I wore the wrong shit. I didnt feel like anyone was looking at me disapprovingly. I didnt experience any of my normal oddball shit. I was just me. Amongst a bunch of cool ass folks. Thats it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Freedom from baggage and hang ups. Confidence in every move. Creative passion pulsating through my bod. It was the very feeling that I had always imagined Id have once I moved to New York. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Flash forward to today. I dont know exactly how/why but I found out that Codie passed away- which prompted me to relive this night. May she sleep amongst the angels.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/9KONpStrW8w?list=PL66395F11CBC53E64" width="459"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-11810568950226260922013-07-23T21:40:00.000-07:002013-07-23T21:40:12.502-07:00Violet<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ5615drE3cCpuLKmbCyuimq5j5HnuIJlXYJLdwPRL5tEt_jXH4GNLnrrWkLpK0Oy5ZlBdMyFw6sPsufexyWHI6xeJtRZ9BXsFXQR2ACZf-WbABdLq5tzYlCg2_-Sb1eDIc_YXR-QLUSE3/s1600/hit-so-hard-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ5615drE3cCpuLKmbCyuimq5j5HnuIJlXYJLdwPRL5tEt_jXH4GNLnrrWkLpK0Oy5ZlBdMyFw6sPsufexyWHI6xeJtRZ9BXsFXQR2ACZf-WbABdLq5tzYlCg2_-Sb1eDIc_YXR-QLUSE3/s640/hit-so-hard-poster.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Patty Schemel of Hole's documentary of being a bad bitch and living (happily) to tell about it</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">There's always going to be someone else.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Someone who's better, more talented, more interesting, more disciplined, more confident, more connected, more inspiring, more popular........you get the point.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Knowing that and STILL being totally secure in your OWN shit isn't always the easiest thing. Knowing that sometimes the bad guy wins and the evil person prospers is unsettling and can throw you off your game a bit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I've been in this headspace on and off. Especially in regards to my career and overall quality of life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Whereas before, years ago, this would get me down, I now give it a more positive spin. I try to keep my mind focused on my life and what I want to accomplish with it. Simple shit..... except I wasn't able to do this for a very long time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I'd see someone who I knew was full of shit get a break and I'd feel like a loser for not having one of my own. Or I'd see someone doing the very thing that I want to do and feel like since they've already gotten to it, theres absolutely no way I can do it too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">And then there's always that person who's just simply the shit. And you just have to eat it, because even YOU'RE a fan. <strike>Fucking asshole.</strike></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Now, it doesn't get to me like it used to. Now, I've matured a bit and I've learned a little more about my own strengths and weaknesses as well as my goals and dreams. And those things are so exclusive to me that it makes it pretty fuckin impossible for me to be discouraged or intimidated by the next bitch.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">The thing is, everyone has a journey. And everyone's journey has the potential to be epic in its own way. Value and trust it and everything else will just fall in line.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/cH_rfGBwamc" width="459"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-44905392955208753322013-07-18T18:33:00.001-07:002013-07-18T18:36:00.557-07:00Despair<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> <span style="font-size: large;">At some point over the weekend, I practically lost my shit. On the N train. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">There were my emotions, running all high from peoples responses to the Trayvon Martin verdict, coupled with personal roadblocks that were staring me in the face. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">And there on public transportation, while just beginning to cross over the bridge to Brooklyn, I felt like I was about to emotionally combust into a state of manic depression right there for the world to see. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">All I could think about was how easily and how close I’d gotten to things going incredibly bad for me with my personal bullshit. And then I thought about how horrible and unredeemable the human race had become in relation to the Zimmerman trial. And then I thought about how pointless and purposeless this whole life thing really is in general. And then I tried to navigate my mind out of that darkness and this song came on. And the lyrics hit me for the first time really and at the most perfect moment. </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">In the three short years that I’ve been living in this city I have had so many many experiences. I have been tested in so many different ways and on so many different occasions. I used to joke when I first moved here that New York was determined to make a woman out of me- a strong woman out of me. And it wouldnt let up until I embodied the type of woman Ive always wanted to be.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">This city has been kicking my fucking ass since I stepped foot here. Yet everytime I’ve fallen on my ass, it’s offered its hand to help me back up...as long as I was up for another beating. Another beating always seems to be right around the corner. And so does another “I love this city”.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">So I guess after I’d just been handed my ass again by life, I needed a friendly reminder.</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Thank you New York.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">You’re there</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">From begining to middle to end.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-73401499667929416722013-07-17T21:03:00.000-07:002013-07-17T21:11:09.558-07:00Goin to the ceremony<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">“...I dont know where Im going</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">But Im goin</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Its...all...happening...”</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">My entire twenties have been a clusterfuck of questions, obviously. I’ve already gone through the cliches of who is it that I am and what is it that I want. I’ve now tapped into the momentum of getting myself to that place in life.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">And then I realized that I’m again uncertain of absolutely everything.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">But at least Im progressing. </span></span><br />
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-78263368061852713822013-07-09T20:34:00.000-07:002013-07-16T20:23:28.840-07:00"You think the way you live is okay...."<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Vogue Italia: Why are you so comfortable, being so non-conformist, in an industry that requires so much conformity, at least from the people behind the scenes?</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Lysa Cooper: I think the very important thing that works to my advantage, and sometimes my disadvantage, is that I’m not out to make friends. I’ve got plenty of other friends. I like to keep it really professional. I don’t hang out. I don’t go to little dinners. I don’t “kiki.” None of that. And I think, for a lot of people, they want me to entourage it up for free. I’m not interested. Hence, it’s better to work with people you don’t really know. You don’t have to waste your time trying to be best friends. I don’t have enough time to be circle jerking all over the place. For what? They’re all going to fuck you over eventually. It’s true. Ask anybody who’s had a long-standing relationship. I mean, Tom Cruise is the only one who has been able to maintain the same glam squad. [Keeping] the same people around them. But most people, just want to be more fabulous. But the thing to remember is that, just like ex-boyfriends, they always come back. And when they do, you’re twice as expensive. That’s the God’s honest truth.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I thought I was just a freak of nature in that I don't really care to be 'of' the industry that much. I love being in it, but Im not with all the politics that come along with it. My natural introverted-ness doesn't always allow for me to be like other hair stylists/ makeup artists/ stylists/photographers, etc. I'm so <b>not</b> the life of the party and I prefer it that way. I'm not a brown nosing kiss-ass either. I love what I do, and frankly, I just want to do that and get the fuck on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What I've started to notice, however, is that relationships are crucial in the quest for success in this industry. Establishing kinship with other artists can singlehandedly and painlessly advance your career. But for a person who isn't necessarily a mingler, this can be a barrier.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">One of my guys have been trying to drill into my head the idea of being "present". Not just in a stay-off-your-work-on-set kinda way, but literally BE PRESENT. And it doesn't mean that you have to be in peoples faces or put on a show. Just simply show that you are there through your work ethics and mannerisms.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">That, I can do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Playing 'BFF' with people only to manipulate yourself into a certain circle,or get/ keep a new client or anything like that is so lame. And you're probably opening yourself to being treated in the exact same fashion at a later point or other situation in life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That's why I love this lady. She's clearly not here for the bollocks. I can appreciate that. Maybe it's come from age and experience but its nice to see that SOMEONE made it to the top without having to compromise themselves completely.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do not get me wrong, I have met alot of amazing, inspiring, down to earth people on jobs and I've even befriended a few. I'm all for kindred spirits connecting and new friendships forming...as long as they are genuine and not of the 'how can I benefit from this' sort.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That is all.</span><br />
<br />andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-51544348979463911952013-07-05T16:45:00.000-07:002013-07-05T16:45:13.459-07:00"And I feel like I just got home..."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I really wish I had wrote about this as soon as I saw it for the first time. I don't think I've ever been so excited about anything in my entire life. EVER. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Me. ME. FUCKING ME! In Vogue. Vogue Thailand, to be exact.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I grew up obsessing over magazines and dreaming of somehow working within the realms of those pages. I'm just a black girl from Detroit with tunnel vision dreams of pursuing any and every thing that will warrant a life of happiness and fulfillment. Thats it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I wasn't blessed with connects or silver spoons. Just a loving family and friends who believe in me. I've spent a great deal of time testing a shitload of different avenues to get me towards the life that I want and while most of them inevitably led to dead ends, they also ALL contributed to this exact point in my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Don't get me wrong, I certainly have a long road ahead of me but I dont want to glaze over this moment. I want to stop, enjoy and appreciate this milestone moment. I said I wouldn't allow myself to NOT celebrate the things in my life that make me happy or proud of my journey. 'Cuz if *I* don't, surely no one else will.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And thats all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: left;">Faster than the speeding light she's flying</span><br style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: left;">Trying to remember where it all began</span><br style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: left;">Shes got herself a little piece of heaven</span><br style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;" /><span style="color: #474747; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px; text-align: left;">Waiting for the time when earth shall be as one</span></span></div>
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-52620772572488531082013-06-06T19:50:00.001-07:002013-06-06T19:50:15.539-07:00On Trust...<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">On Trust (within self)...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Trust is a very complex concept. I think it's specific to the human species. Perhaps its one of those small things that seperates us from beasts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I, like many, have issues with it. Why wouldn't I? Shouldn't I? It's not as if I've never been lied to, misguided or deceived by someone or something that once held my trust. Trust-less-ness is a universal empathy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But the relationship between trust and yourself is even trickier. I'm speaking specifically to the trust you have in your own abilities and your own dreams.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I've always known the kind of life I wanted to have and the kind of woman I wanted to be (even before DVF declared it on an American Express commercial). My teens were spent longing for the day I could make it happen. My early twenties were spent trying to figure out HOW THE FUCK to make it happen. My mid-twenties were spent wondering whether or not I had what it took to make it happen (or, incidentally, if I even wanted it anymore). And now, at the top of my late-twenties (I ain't mad), I'm just simply MAKING IT FUCKING HAPPEN. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">No extra added bullshit. No excuses. No three-point plans. No nothing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Just action.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It took me a while to get to the point of feeling like I was tired of talking about my dreams; tired of dreaming about my dreams. I just wanted to fucking live my dreams. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have always been apprehensive about the people I allow in my life (hello, trust issues) because I know the power of impact that comes with it. I've gotten significantly more selective in my NY years and i</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">t has been the biggest blessing to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">The people who are in my life (both physically and in social media form only) are fucking awesome. Inspiration of all kinds and in various ways. But as far as inspiration is concerned, there are a few people who have REALLY hit it on the head with the self-trust thing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Through these very special people, I have SEEN the power of self-trust and how magical it can be in your pursuit of happiness. These people just believed. They let go and had no doubt about whether or not it would work out. This is what they wanted, and as long as they made moves that were aligned with there pursuits, they would be alright.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I've always had that mentality as well, but being the Capricorn that I am, it was never just left at that. Overanalyzing and backup-planning was the comfort zone and reality that I lived in. All the care-free hippie appeal in the world could not entice me to quit my multitude of dead end jobs and side hustles. I am the product of two super-hard working folks from the south who believe in covering your ass. Pursuing my dream would somehow have to conform with working for the man.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That is, until shit hit a breaking point. Juggling gets tiresome after a while and eventually one of those balls in the air are gonna demand more energy (time?) than you have designated for it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It basically comes down to, Are you IN or OUT?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Thats where that good ol' trust is tested. Do you trust yourself or don't you. If you don't, then may the force be with you. Dust yourself off and try again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But if you do, you've already won half the battle.</span>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-56425092874054471232013-05-23T08:52:00.000-07:002013-05-23T08:52:54.087-07:00Untitled<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">No matter how hard it may get at times...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">its always worth it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I find this to be true in every area of my life. Every situation, every encounter...is always worth it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Almost especially if it is painful or uncomfortable experience. This is why lately I've tried to challenge myself to say yes more than no; to do exactly the things that kind of scare me a bit or that I normally don't do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I just want to live. Fully and freely.</span>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-78570860309593774542013-05-10T19:58:00.003-07:002013-05-10T19:58:35.172-07:00Cette Ans...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Whenever I get to a point in life where my words are constantly jumbled and I can't complete a single thought or sentence, I like to believe its the universe's way of telling me I need to write. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Let the therapy session commence.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It seems as if alot has happened since the start of the new year. A lot of change has taken form, especially in regards to my career. I've altered the strategy I was using to build the type of life I wanted to have tremendously. And slowly, confidence in these new changes has fallen in line. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Lesson to Remember:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> You know what you want. Pursue it. Stay true to it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Don't comprise your happiness. Take care of you first.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I've met a few people this year who have encouraged and/or inspired me in my pursuit of happiness to just...do. To stop thinking, planning, analyzing and just do. I'd mastered the 'neurotic New Yorker' bit and it was time to get a gotdamn grip.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Lesson to Remember:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Not everyone's pro-You, but one's who matter always are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Your 'social karma' will always do you justice. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I've continued to explore the works and ideologies of other great creative people in film, music and literature as well as to those in the beauty industry and I have gotten loads of inspiration. The more I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone, the closer I've gotten to true happiness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Lesson to Remember:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Never stop looking. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Always be working... on yourself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm not 100%, but I feel like I am on the brink of something incredible happening in my life. I think I'm ready to let go of alot of things and just be. Well, 'do' and 'be'.</span>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-82469768551610783732012-12-30T20:15:00.002-08:002012-12-30T20:15:36.641-08:00All Apologies<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">...On What I Learned This Year</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The end of the year, right? So I 'm supposed to reminisce on all of the good and bad of this year and make plans for the next, huh?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I guess...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Ive grown out of New Years resolutions a long time ago and I 'd rather forget about 2012 than sit and dwell on it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It is a widely held truth that we should take from the current year lessons that will make us better in the new year. But I 'm kinda in an interesting position. The most significant lesson - the most affluent theme- of my year has been "Use it". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As in, "You already know (knew) that, now just use it." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Like the hardheaded sonofabitch that I am, I have repeatedly found myself in situations this year where I 've gone against my better judgement (JUST FOR THE SAKE OF GOING AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT-might I add) only to have things blow up in my face. And then the little devil that lives on my right shoulder laughs at me hysterically and does the Grace Adler "Told Ya So" dance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So, in short, this year was NOT about learning anything new. It was about taking heed to the shit I already knew. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If I sit and think of all the things that I could have done differently or improved upon or blah, blah, blah they would all share the common denominator of me just scaling back and abiding by my already established/tested/tried-and-true set of guidelines to life. </span></div>
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-64723373232941994822012-12-26T17:13:00.000-08:002012-12-26T17:13:24.108-08:00Trapped In My Mind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So I complain about being a "grown up" far more than I praise it(I used quotations because I like to think I'm only an adult in the literal sense). One major perk of being a grown up is that by now, you have had enough one-on-one experiences with your damn self to differentiate between when you are legitimately going through something worth examining further and when you're just going through some cyclical shit that you always go through at particular times of year or in particular types of situations. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">That self-knowledge has been saving my ass lately. I'll get on this kick and obsess over something for days on end and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Then I remember, <i>oh, shit. Its *insert month here*. I always get like this around *insert event/holiday here*.</i> Then I'm back to normal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm usually knocked off my axis the most during the following times: June/July, August/Sept and December/January. That five month stretch between February and June is pretty anti-climatic. I'm on mental and emotional autopilot. Alls my feels and thoughts are in hibernation during this time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Those other blips are the polar opposite. I'm a clusterfuck of emotions, anxiety attacks and nervous wrecks. Of course, I am exaggerating but you get the point. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">December/January is the fucking worst. The end and beginning. Its holiday time and I'm alone in the greatest city in the world. Any other time of year, that is the illest factor in my very existence. I love being uncommitted in New York. I can't really put it into understandable words but understand that its nirvana for me. But then holiday and birthday time roll up on me and I'm done. I'm either a cry baby or a scrooge. Or I'm a fake Plymouth-Rock-landed-on-me atheist-sounding poo-poo head. Whatever I can do to shit on the holiday season, I do. Dispicable me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do not even speaketh of my born day. I.Don't.Want.To.Do.Shit.Wit.Cho.Ass.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Horrible, I know. I KNOW. But this is exactly what I'm talking about. I've experienced </span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i>myself</i> enough to know that, basically, I'm on one. No need to worry. A few weeks of wallowing about and I'll be good. That simple.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Funny enough, its this time of year plus June/July that I psyche myself into thinking I want a boyfriend. Here is where I should probably note that I happen to be the biggest commitment phobe I've ever encountered in my life. But during these two times of year, I pretend that I've been miraculously cured of my lethal illness. I don't know. Something about being cold and bored or hot and bothered?... I haven't the slightest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Last are my August/September episodes aka What Am I Doing? I self-assess my life. I'm mortified by what I see. I reconfigure my life plan. I obsess over the unlikliness of it actually happening. I consider a life as a gypsy, political activist, professional criminal or housewife. I sulk and then its over.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I hate that one.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Again, the glory is in knowing me. If I didn't know the girl that lives in this body, I'd be on drugs, legal and otherwise.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/p8EH1_jZBl4?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-88923572071883898392012-12-26T17:12:00.000-08:002012-12-26T17:12:58.414-08:00Suspended<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Don't you just love it when shit makes sense? Isn't it grand when you're not suspended in a state of confusion? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Maybe it's just me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The more I advance into (and through) my twenties I'm seeing that life is really about experience, reflection and impact. On most days, those three simple ideas leave me with a case of the crazies wondering whether or not I'm doing it right.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But today is not one of those days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm Baccarat. Or at least I'm as clear as I should be right now. Life has a really interesting way of bringing things to light for us. Folks say you should check <b><i>yourself</i></b> if you keep ending up in the same type of situations, and while I believe that to be true in many cases, its bullshit a lot of the time too. You are who you are and where you are for a reason. Your mortal ass attempts at changing that are counterproductive to your purpose. Don't waste your time. </span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/yYZV9jv0Dp8?fs=1" width="459"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-57468905792591390712012-12-26T17:11:00.000-08:002012-12-26T17:11:44.129-08:00Don't Even Ask Me<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"I wouldn't know what to do with another chance </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you gave it to me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I couldn't take the embrace of a real romance </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It'd race right through me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm much better off the way things are </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Much much better off, better by far, by far </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I wouldn't know what to say to a gentle voice </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It'd roll right past me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And if you chalk it up you'll see I don't really have a choice </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So don't even ask me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm much better off, the way things are </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Much much better off, better by far </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So keep on calling me names, keep on, keep on </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And I'll keep kicking the crap till it's gone </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you keep on killing, you could get me to settle </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And as soon as I settle, I bet I'll be </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Able to move on </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">How can I fight, when we're on the same side </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">How can I fight beside you"- Fiona Apple, <b>The Way Things Are</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> On one hand its weird to reject the lovely nuances of romance and the state of being in love. On the other hand, its not like God himself descended from the heavens and required that you <i>do</i>. And just because you are born with a certain genitalia doesn't mean that you have to lean one way more than the other.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'on know, man.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Forget it.</span></div>
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andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-57489902133832628202012-12-09T05:59:00.000-08:002012-12-09T05:59:47.289-08:00Over My Dead Body<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">*Le Sigh*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Who needs a shrink when you have a pen and paper? Or the internet? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I stopped writing this way for a while. And it showed. But I've picked it up again and I'd like to think I'm at my best with it now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So yeah, into the mind of a creative, a Capricorn, a twenty-five year old, a dreamer, a girl......</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It gets pretty complex up there sometimes. So much so that shit just fades to black sometimes and theres nothing going on up there at all. Then it comes pouring back tenfold. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Writing should be mandatory. If not for everyone, at least for me. Shit could sit on my mind for months with no closure but once I transfer it to paper (or computer) I'm instantly relieved. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I could hate myself for being so in my head all the time. I could let it drive me crazy. I could drown myself in drugs and psychologist bills. Or I could just hide from it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But really, what would be the point? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Even though it rarely seems so, I think your thoughts are all related/connected. And if you work through just one, you end up uncovering some shit about another. I guess thats the scary part. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The exposure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Exposure> Vulnerability> Pain> Some kind of death.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm not built for any of those things. No one is. But the fear isn't worth the sacrifice. Or at least thats the lesson I'm trying to get through to myself. I don't think any of those things are escapable. And if thats the case, why be afraid to understand them?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So when that one that you finally want is no longer an option, when you're dead wrong about something you really wanted to be right about, and no one will ever understand...just write</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/yYNcBcDmFTs?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-3101893388887503702012-12-03T20:25:00.002-08:002012-12-03T20:37:49.064-08:00I'm a Braveheart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinP004iHvDtPGdCLfCQGDTXfJOUTsOYgBr_6a3DMt6Jo4Hn89E4GspJrEDXBxQ8xfrz0Ge0A0lKpLoobd2MlQ_Cwi10paLCfjDXchQwMy11HhrM2knRaH0rywKe2M8vo3s3KlYDch-LXPz/s1600/Frances_10_074.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="478" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinP004iHvDtPGdCLfCQGDTXfJOUTsOYgBr_6a3DMt6Jo4Hn89E4GspJrEDXBxQ8xfrz0Ge0A0lKpLoobd2MlQ_Cwi10paLCfjDXchQwMy11HhrM2knRaH0rywKe2M8vo3s3KlYDch-LXPz/s640/Frances_10_074.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"I drove an old school Beamer</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You drove an eighteen wheeler</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">With nuclear bombs</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Slowly dropping them down for fun</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But I didn't run..." <b>Brave</b>, Kelis</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">No one wants to be fucking rejected. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Like, ever, bro.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But the shit happens. Everyday. All day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">To people who deserve it just as well as those who don't.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What are you gonna do?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I had a paralytic fear of rejection. I'm talking some unnormal-type shit. I'da sooner died than put myself in a position to be played so brutally. The thought of someone being able to look at me with the word "Loser" written across my forehead, and THEY'RE the one who put it there?? And I actually like THEIR ass? The HORROR!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Fuck. Outta. Here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Not the kid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">...Until it actually happened. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Twice.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Its hilarious. I mean, my feelings were absolutely demolished at the time but that shits only fleeting. Thank God.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What I'm trying to unload is that it wasn't that damn bad, now that I look back on it. So what? Bitches weren't feeling me, fine. It cost them nothing to pay me no mind. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">No matter how vile it may seem that someone isn't interested in your awesome ass; no matter how malicious their efforts in getting that message to you may actually be- it doesn't fucking matter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In the end, you get a thicker skin out of the experience and know what to stay the hell away from in the future.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ssfu4Imtr4U?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1138872702418216473.post-45875509150419540152012-12-03T20:25:00.001-08:002012-12-03T20:25:08.834-08:00Miles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU4oFd5ZxApBJIp6bCdK26IrQeR-qcVFC6sKPqqUvu8dnwJMvLoAQ9UGzHdqLF7Nktb-LpRw0pwsyjavUGn1GiCP3UeR2R9VbFB4WVidjxQQj1OEQkifkdSwVe4V2tKSZrlNbVMXCrwRFa/s1600/animals-black-and-white-dress-editorial-fashion-head-Favim.com-96659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU4oFd5ZxApBJIp6bCdK26IrQeR-qcVFC6sKPqqUvu8dnwJMvLoAQ9UGzHdqLF7Nktb-LpRw0pwsyjavUGn1GiCP3UeR2R9VbFB4WVidjxQQj1OEQkifkdSwVe4V2tKSZrlNbVMXCrwRFa/s640/animals-black-and-white-dress-editorial-fashion-head-Favim.com-96659.jpg" width="492" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You ever forget who you are sometimes?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And no, I'm not on my usual emo shit today. This isn't some in-my-head shit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I mean, like, do you ever find yourself thinking or acting some kind of way that is totally not YOU?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Like, normally I'm a lover of all things unconventional. I love learning shit. I like getting to understand things that are outside of my comfort zone. And I'm usually pretty unapologetic about it. I will FIEND OUT for you to help me understand something. You will want to slap me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">...Normally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So why then, am I being a little scary bitch about asking someone this one thing that I REALLY WANT TO FUCKING KNOW THE ANSWER TO? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">1) Because its about myself</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">2) I'm afraid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">3) The answer has no real function in life other than to irritate my soul.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Walk with me through this one. The music of Miles Davis and a 10-second reality check from my best friends boyfriend gave me the courage to get this far. I can't stop <i>now</i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My normal self is courageous. I'm a pretty brave girl, in theory. Sort of. My normal self doesn't care too much what people think about me personally. Don't get me wrong- I'm VERY interested in peoples perception of me but not in the sense that it affects what the hell I do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So if the above statements are true, I should NOT be afraid to hear what this person has to say about me, right? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Where the fuck is my 'normal self' right now?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">...ok, so maybe I <i>am</i> being in-my-head again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">BUT</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If we move past the fear factor of it all, to the next point...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">3)It doesn't even matter. At All.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm fiending to know something that, even if I had the answer to, wouldn't do or change anything. So whats really the point?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There is no point.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm just neurotic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1ukuvL768aw?fs=1" width="459"></iframe>andritahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14695474218150755205noreply@blogger.com0