Today I wrote two poems, crocheted a scarf and kinda plotted out a few things I want to make for myself.
I did all of this in Green Goblin-colored eyeshadow and a Rosie the Riveter hair do.
I told my sister that my creative side was either dying a slow miserable death or plotting to kill my noncreative self. I mean, I didn't exactly use those words but I did tell her that I needed to go make some shit before my insides explode. Hell, I haven't written a poem since I had to sneak to wear mascara and colored lip gloss. I didnt even think I still had it in me. Shit just started coming to me randomly on the train so I decided to jot it down and before I knew it, I had 2 done. Neither one is really about any one thing in particular but it felt good to do it anyways.
The scarf is for one of my NYC buddies and I am almost tempted to not give it to her seeing as I am falling in love with it. I made this same buddy go with me to some bead/trim stores in the city last week and now I have decided that I will, from now on, make most of the shit I wear. Chill, it wasn't just some bead stores that got me thinking that. I'm in the process of making garments from scratch at school anyways. Why not take the shit I learn and apply it to real life, right?......Right?
You ever feel like you want to scream but someone is covering your mouth?
Maybe that's not a good example...
Ok. Have you ever felt like you want to just explode....in a really good way...and for no real apparent reason....but for some odd reason.....you don't?
Ugh.
That's not much better.
I just feel like I wanna fucking scream dude. Just because I'm here.
Because I'm alive. Because I don't have anything better to do.
I want to burst into an obnoxious, ugly-face-producing, snot inducing cry.
Just because I'm human. And my face could use a good cleansing.
I want to do every stupid and evey beautiful thing that I've ever thought seemed like a needed experience to have in ones book of journey's. But for some reason, I can't. Obviously I should be asking myself why this is so. I should be telling myself to just do it, whatever it is. But I don't know if its that cut and dry. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm experiencing some kind of blockage maybe?
Does this me make me crazy? At this point, I would normally insert a YouTube clip of Gnarls Barkley or some corny shit like that but I'm not. I just wanted to let this thought out.
I can't take how glam this woman is.
I'm actually quite pissed I'm just now finding out about Anna Karina.
I got a gig last week to do hair for a music video and when the director sent me notes on the inspiration behind the looks for the shoot, of course I went all 'method-actor' and started obsessing. The looks were supposed to be along the lines of French New Wave films, which, at the time, I hadn't a clue about. Google and Netflix took care of that for me. I found a list of some of the most popular FNW films and tried to plug them into Netflix to watch instantly. Of course, none of the popular films were available but one film that was recommended caught my attention. I watched 'A Woman is a Woman' and fell in love.
Every single thing about the film was beautiful, visually. This is when and where I discovered Anna Karina. She had me as soon as I saw the thick winged eyeliner. I have since been searching for as many images and film clips of hers that I can find online. She makes me want to pursue my feminine side ;)
I love the Fall. I feel like every Fall represents a new beginning for me. Its like one chapter inevitably comes to an end and another one begins...whether I like it or not. I have been doing a lot with my 'hair' stuff (wix.com/pistolsandpetals/andrita) but I just got to a point within the last week where I just felt....done. Not in a I-dont-want-to-do-this-anymore kind of way. More like a what-is-the-next-step situation.
I have always been a goal oriented person and that has helped give structure and discipline to an ADHD, consistently mindfucked person such as myself. But I just got into a confused state of mind and didnt know what my next steps should be in advancing my career and pursuing my dreams.
My inspiration was a little askew. The little shit I used to do to feel inspired and the places I used to look for inspiration wasn't cutting it. Shit wasn't enough. I needed something new, something stronger, something maybe more meaningful or thought provoking or something.
Thanks to Netflix, an indie music video director, Pandora, 2 completely OFF-days and a tube of black lipstick, I have gotten some inspiration. More specifically, iconic and classic film, art, literature and music legends have helped me get back into the groove.
Jean-Michel Basquiat.
Anna Karina.
Donald Goines.
Miles Davis.
Don't be surprised if I'm on some weird shit for the next few weeks or months; I am now unofficially in an alternate time zone.
"So can I get a window seat
Don't want nobody next to me"
"Concentrating on my music, lover and my babies...."
"So, in my mind I'm tusslin'
Back and forth 'tween here and hustlin'
I don't wanna time travel no more
I wanna be here, I'm thinking"
I need something. I wish I knew what it were. But I'm feeling a lack of something. I think I might need to seriously consider doing a cleanse. Like a real one. Between this amazing hair stylist I'm working with thats juicing/cleansing right now and this chill ass vegan kid I've been running with, I'm feeling like the idea isn't so far fetched after all. My life is looking like a clusterfuck of half awesome and half shitty-ness right now. I've been feeling like there's some void somewhere. Like there's so much more to life than what I'm doing now. The end goal has always been self-fulfillment and happiness but the means by which I've been using to reach said goal has been questionable lately. I'm doing mad shit right now. I'm trying. I know firsthand that nothing falls into your lap and if you want to be successful, chances are, you have to bust ass. But....really. If I'm working all the time towards one specific goal, it is inevitable that I will short sight another. So I guess the question then becomes, Which is most important? And that, my friend, is what I do not fucking know.
So much going on in the world right now. I have these superficial things that I'm doing to pursue my nonsuperficial dream of being happy but I wonder if it is enough. There are so many battles in this world that are actually worth fighting for and I am not fighting a single one. Not One. I suck. I don't consider myself to be one of those sit-back-and-let-others-do-the-work types. And I don't wish to be a turn-the-other-cheek-to-injustice types either. But by NOT doing anything, I am both of those things. I think that makes sense.
Fock man. What to do?
And eerily enough, I started writing this listening to "Window Seat" and halfway through, this broad Alanis Morissette comes blaring through my headphones via Pandora with "Hand In My Pocket"...could'nt be more perfect for the state of mind I'm in right now. This is how I know there is a God. And that God may be a woman.
I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I'm pretty sure I have my answer here.
"I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby
And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby
And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing a piano
And what it all comes down to my dear friends, yeah
Is that everything is just fine fine fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab"
I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I think I have my answer here.
Roses are blue
And I'll be too
If you leave
Cuz I just met you
-N.E.R.D "Babydoll"
Random.
So anyway tho
I did a shoot with a photographer by the name of Gianna Rovelli recently. It was with a agency represented model (Jessica) that needed updated looks for her port.
We also worked on some promo pics for this singer.Charlene's the name.
I really need my website updated/demolished and restarted from scratch
Here's the scoop on the first show I did for NYFW SS 2012.
I actually do not remember where I found the ad, but somehow I applied to do hair for the Anthony T Scott show. To my surprise, they actually wanted me. Scott (or Anthony) sent me a preview of the collection and I was super excited because it was like, serious fashion.
So on the day of, I was decked in all black and ready to take over. I got to the location which was a show space on the second or third floor of some building near Union Square. The place was huge, by NYC standards at least. I looked around for someone who may have been in charge and was immediately approached by this GORGEOUS blonde guy. I stated my purpose, that I was here to do hair for the designer Scott's show. He extended his hand and said, I'm Scott. I then fell in love a little.
He told me that 'hair' was in the back and guided me over. To my surprise, there were like 10 other chicks in all black fussing around with combs and brushes. It was then realized that I would be ASSISTING, not actually really styling. That was kinda cool, except for the fact that I had brought my thousand pound bag of tools for no reason.
I was introduced to the head hair lady. She was a redhead with a serious long bob. The other girls were either assistants or make up bitches ;). At first, I didn't know the other girls were assistants. They had that hair stylist 'look' and they moved with alot of confidence. It wasn't until long after we'd soaked the models with spray gel and scultped figure eights on their domes that I got the juice. The girls were stylist's assistants at the salon I thought I'd KILL to work at, Tommy Guns. One of the owners, I believe, does thee most insane editorial shit and the salon looks like fucking Sweeney Todd or something. Mad vintage. Super Dope.
So immediately, I was like, damn. Then as they were talking and talking and talking, I realized that I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I'm not married to some predetermined schedule, a slave to the shampoo bowl. I dont have to be someones bitch for two years to see IF they think I'm good enough to have my own spot. Seriously, when I came to NY I was prepared to do that for the right salon (Tommy Guns), but from my experiences thus far, I have had such a blast just doing this freelance that I wouldn't be mad one bit if I never spend a day behind the chair. When I was in beauty school and my clients would ask me what I planned to do when I graduated, I always said two things: 1) move to New York and 2) do editorial and runway hair....
Theres this guy I "know". I put quote marks around 'know' because technically, I dont know him, know him. He's just this kid that I see around who happens to be cool with people that I'm cool with. Relax, this isn't one of THOSE stories, so you can quit rolling your eyes and move your cursor away from the little 'x' in the top corner of this page ;).
This guy is super cool. If I were a man, I'd want to live in his shoes for at least a few years. Hell, as a woman I want to #NoHomo. Here's why: he's something like a pornstar. I.have.heard.stories.
This man only sleeps with 10's. And he's had, what seems like, tens of hundreds of them. Granted, I don't know him and he could be lying, but if you met this guy once, you'd quickly doubt it. He isn't super fashionable or flashy or anything. He's actually what I would call extremely chill. I'm not saying that I want to be a whore, but I AM saying that the things he has said he's experienced sound really cool.
He has different categories of bitches. He has a set that are his 'go-to's', meaning that they're always around to use at his leisure. He has his 'new' girls, i.e. one-nighters. And then he has his 'girlfriends' which, I don't care about.
He lives alone. In his own crib. And he doesn't let girls leave anything there. Remember that episode of SATC where Carrie describes Big's apartment as 'Teflon for women'? Yep, thats him. His Facebook profile? Private, of course BUT he even goes as far as to block his friends from seeing what his other friends post on his wall. How 'G' is that? I am very proud to say that I know all of this from other people telling me and NOT because I stalked him. Because I totally didn't. Seriously. I didn't.
And the coolest thing of all is that he gets tested regularly. And he doesn't have any kids. He's winning, right? Yeah. Pretty boss, I thought.
I was listening to this song the other day and it made me think about this kid. It made me wonder if he ever gets tired of all the sexytime. *Ye Shrug*
Sometimes I feel like LL Cool J
I need love, not random boo-tay
But every girl I try to get to know
Ends up tryin to do me
I have seriously been slacking with Pistols and Petals and I am not happy about it.
My blog is my therapy. And since I've been gone I have realized just how neccessary it is in my life. I have gone a lil nuts since I've been away. I have been crazy busy for the last month and I haven't been right mentally, spiritually, emotionally or physically for even longer.
I have had enough experiences in the month of September to update this blog daily for at least an entire month...but of course, I wont be doing that. I'm gonna unload but not that much.
At the very basic, you should know that
1) I stopped eating beef and pork (again). I want to challenge myself to become a vegetarian within the next 3 yrs.
2) The girls at work have given me a new name and alter ego: Drita Bad Ass (long story) and Chuck Bass (when I'm being an asshole) but I'm still taking suggestions. I'm thinking Drizzy Drita, The Emperial Skateboard Dri (joking, I'm not that cool)
3) I kinda joined a gang. Well, a creative gang. Enter the Thy Junction era. More to come on that later as well
4) I am now Googe-able. Seriously. Google me. 'Andrita Renee'.
