Trust is a very complex concept. I think it's specific to the human species. Perhaps its one of those small things that seperates us from beasts.
I, like many, have issues with it. Why wouldn't I? Shouldn't I? It's not as if I've never been lied to, misguided or deceived by someone or something that once held my trust. Trust-less-ness is a universal empathy.
But the relationship between trust and yourself is even trickier. I'm speaking specifically to the trust you have in your own abilities and your own dreams.
I've always known the kind of life I wanted to have and the kind of woman I wanted to be (even before DVF declared it on an American Express commercial). My teens were spent longing for the day I could make it happen. My early twenties were spent trying to figure out HOW THE FUCK to make it happen. My mid-twenties were spent wondering whether or not I had what it took to make it happen (or, incidentally, if I even wanted it anymore). And now, at the top of my late-twenties (I ain't mad), I'm just simply MAKING IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
No extra added bullshit. No excuses. No three-point plans. No nothing.
Just action.
It took me a while to get to the point of feeling like I was tired of talking about my dreams; tired of dreaming about my dreams. I just wanted to fucking live my dreams.
I have always been apprehensive about the people I allow in my life (hello, trust issues) because I know the power of impact that comes with it. I've gotten significantly more selective in my NY years and it has been the biggest blessing to me.
The people who are in my life (both physically and in social media form only) are fucking awesome. Inspiration of all kinds and in various ways. But as far as inspiration is concerned, there are a few people who have REALLY hit it on the head with the self-trust thing.
Through these very special people, I have SEEN the power of self-trust and how magical it can be in your pursuit of happiness. These people just believed. They let go and had no doubt about whether or not it would work out. This is what they wanted, and as long as they made moves that were aligned with there pursuits, they would be alright.
I've always had that mentality as well, but being the Capricorn that I am, it was never just left at that. Overanalyzing and backup-planning was the comfort zone and reality that I lived in. All the care-free hippie appeal in the world could not entice me to quit my multitude of dead end jobs and side hustles. I am the product of two super-hard working folks from the south who believe in covering your ass. Pursuing my dream would somehow have to conform with working for the man.
That is, until shit hit a breaking point. Juggling gets tiresome after a while and eventually one of those balls in the air are gonna demand more energy (time?) than you have designated for it.
It basically comes down to, Are you IN or OUT?
Thats where that good ol' trust is tested. Do you trust yourself or don't you. If you don't, then may the force be with you. Dust yourself off and try again.
But if you do, you've already won half the battle.
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