Sure Looks Good To Me....?

Every now and then i find myself facing what seems alot like a mid-life crisis. I think I've been having them since about 16. They come sporadically, without warning and often in a 'what-in-the-fuck-am-i-doing-with-my-life' or 'how-did-i-let-this-shit-happen' kind of format.

Usually, I deal with them by retreating. I quit and start over. And repeat. I have often wondered if this was just a euphemism for 'running away'. I havent decided yet. I've just noticed the pattern in my moving to Atlanta, back to Detroit and now, New York.  With each move came the promise of a new beginning and a huge step towards being the person I want to be in this life.

But then what?

Something usually happens that throws a wrench in my plans kicking the 'quit and start over' part into gear before I even got to 'start over' from the previous situation.

I'm done.
I can't. do it. anymore.
I'm tired.
I'm too old for this shit.

This time is different. Before, I had no problem coming up with a Plan B, C or D. It was nothing for me to be like, "ok, so THAT didn't work out, lets try THIS way now". I'm fresh out of 'plans' and I'm a Capricorn so that kind of shit scares a person like me. I'm most successful (as much as I hate to admit it) when theres structure and set goals in place. I ALWAYS have to be working towards something.

And right now, I'm not...

I mean, I damn sure can't tell what it is anymore.

Honestly. Life is looking alot like a series of question marks right now. I'm not certain of anything, I feel like. I'm questioning the significance of alot of my priorities and aspirations. idk. I'm pretty sure this is one of those things that you have to go through and figure out on your own. As much as I would love to talk to someone who feels me on this, I know there's only so much that can be gained by such a converstion.

But thank God for Alicia Keys.
She has this song that I can count on to put my mind at ease whenever I am convinced the world is ending without me having done anything worth talking about. This song is the friend I need right now.





Life is cheap, bittersweet
But it taste good to me

Take my turn, crash and burn
That's how it's supposed to be

So don’t rain on my parade
Life’s too short to waste one day

I’m gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Time passed by and leaves you behind
Take it naturally

Heaven knows
There’s so much more
More than what we see

So don’t rain on my parade
Life’s too short to waste one day

I’m gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind Im secure with getting by
I wanna see the light before I die or I lie in an empty space,

The darkness comes and I’ve been telling my soul
And me and myself we turn around, we’re getting old,But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions
From the bruises and the beauty in this moment that we’re feeling,

And I feel like I’m seeing the world inside of me
But I can tell you that I know, it's getting easier to breathe,There’s a cold in the morning, endless equation
Of who we've become, it’s a complex situation

So live, love, life give love
Live, love, life, give love
Live, love, life, give love
It's who are we anyway

I don't know what my next move will be, and I'm pretty sure thats fine.... just as long as I enjoy every minute of it