C.O.C.A.I.N.E

Whenever people find out I'm from Detroit, one of the first questions they usually ask me if I like Eminem. I say "Yes" partially out of obligation and partially out of honestly. I like him, yes, but to me thats like asking someone from NY if they like Jay-Z. Yes, you love your hometown hero's but these two? People across the universe love these two. They are king everywhere. Not just Brooklyn and Detroit.

ok, im done gassing.

Point is, since I've been in BK, I have been listening to more Eminem than I ever listened to in my life. He's the angry white boyfriend I always wanted.....I'm kidding. He's fucking nuts. But I feel him. I love his honesty about his own life.

I just heard this song and I cant stop listening to it. It's about addiction. I know, I know. He's beatten the subject mattter to a pulp but so what. This shit is crack.

Cocaine, actually.





And Jazmine Sullivan kills the vocals.


I always wondered about him and why after a billion years he's stilling talking shit about Kim. But then, I figured she was probably the only true love he's ever experienced. And she broke his heart. He addresses it.

There's way too much quoteable content in this record.
Pardon me for my lateness, yet again, but he's officially made my Top 5 list.

So, what would you do for a little bit?

Lyrics:
Got to have it,
yeah I made it
I’m addicted

This is a beat with no words at first, it’s a blank painting
Exercising the mind, it’s brain strength training
Starts off something like shady’s an insane maniac
yeah slim shady thats a zany name aint it
now all you needs an image to go with the name, baby
wife beaters and white t-shirts
Hanes mainly, its a long shot but is it possible
theres a lane maybe,
if not, he’s gonna have to come and change the whole game, aint he?
he wants the fame so bad he can taste it
he can see his name up in lights
women screaming his f-cking name feinting
shady did it, he sold out the whole stadium
joe smo made it, he took his plain jane lady
and his baby Haley out the trailer
but he aint trailing anymore he’s ahead of the race
while maintaining his innocence
little does he know his train is derailing
and he’s about to be raped by this game anally


You’re operating on all cylinders
syllables spit like dillingers
spilling your guts
people are feeling your mic skills
but these haters are ice grillin’ ya
willing to sacrifice anything for the life that they might steal from ya
fake friends will kill for ya, die for ya
but you can’t decipher why for the life of ya
it wasn’t like this when you were cyphering
argue with your wife again
she found vicodin in your pants last night again
your disputes public
nothing is private anymore
when your best friends say bye bye to him
what kind of apple you take a bite of slim
(but this is what you wanted Marshall aint it)
f-ck no, the way that it turned out
was nothing like the picture that I painted in my head
sometimes a dream I make is more fun than to actually make it
the game stripped me naked
it robbed me of ever having another real relation-ship
with another girl, this World is a f-cking trip
as I slip in another world
proceed, take another hit
sniff til I f-cking hurl
tell em all to f-cking sit and spin til they f-cking twirl
middle finger up again
relapsing back in this game, oh well, f-ck it then

Take Flight...187

Couldn't fall asleep the other night and ended up creating an online tee shop. Can I officially call myself a designer now?...Um, I think you have to actually sell shit to get that title. I haven't made a big deal out of it because I'm not sure what I'm doing with it, if anything. But here's some of the designs I created so far.

Like I've said before, if you're viewing this, I'm almost 100% positive you know me in real life, so hit me up and let me know what you think.


I named it Flight 187. I've always wanted to use that name for something. the '187' represents the month and year of my birth, as well as my love for Dr.Dre's 'Undercover Cop'.

$15 - 50 Price Range


View the whole thing at

 http://flight187.spreadshirt.com/

Get your ass on the floor

"Now I'm drunker than a muthafucka, tryna fight my way back to your heart you muthafucker"

Diddy gets so much love for his Dirty Money project. I can't even take it. I am so in love. He styles these girls so elegantly street.  And the music is the dopeness that keeps me inspired.






so cold.

coffee and cigarette diet has been reinstated .

S/N If the world doesn't actually end next year, I will definitely be going to Paris for my 25th. I've been looking into package deals, so you know I'm serious :)

You a slave to a page in my sketchbook...

My sketchbook has been mocking me for the last six months.  I've been neglecting this fashion shit as well. I swear I will do more this year. Lots of goals for the 24th year. 

This is all realllllly old stuff. I'll post the newness as it is inspired.

And please excuse the upside down/sideways ones. No one ever said I was a photographer OR a G at this blogging foolishness.

If I Were A Boy

Sometimes I'm honestly, genuinely, incredibly jealous of boys. Just seems incredibly more fun, simple and easy to have a penis. I actually told someone that I had one this week (I have a best friend that calls me Andrew because of  how I am with dudes, but thats a whole 'nother story). I'm just not the girliest of girls, I dont think. But still, there's alot that I can never do, even with the gender confusion I was momentarily experiencing.

 

You can hop fences, scratch and adjust your balls in public, not ever worry about getting pregnant, get ready in like 10 minutes, be a whore, play with toys til your a grandpa, use nothing but soap and smell amazing, wear sneakers to any and all occasions, dont have to listen to your friends bitch about their significant others, AND you get to pee standing up.

 

 

Boss.

 

But...

I couldn't imagine not being able to wear makeup, heels, or weave (assuming I were a straight boy), or having knockers, or being able to legitly go on for hours on end about fashion, boys and other "girly" shit.

 

I'm not sure the trade-off is worth it

 

Balls vs Boobs?

Jumping Fences vs Six Inch Walkers?

Unability to get Pregnant vs Never having to pay Child Support?

Getting ready in 10 vs Pampering yourself for 40?

Being Easy vs Being Worth It?
Toys vs well, I guess girls have their own kind of to- nevermind.
Quick Piss vs Lazy Piss?
 
Idk.

I just wonder what it would be like to be a douchebag of a man for one day.Like, I'd wanna scratch/adjust my balls obsessively, probably sell drugs, screw everything with a vagina, sleep on the train (no, like, HARDCORE, I-dont-pay-rent-anywhere kinda sleeping on the train), start a fight with someone who look like they'd be a worthy opponent, sag my skinny jeans, ya know, stupid shit like that.

 

Oh well.

Guess I'll make due with being part this:

 

 

and this:

 

 

 

Chef Homeboy-Ar-Dee

I thought I was gonna be a boss and make my own damn b-day cake right?!?

WRONG

I was thinking Jimi Hendrix Purple cake batter with with Nicki Minaj Pink frosting.

I was also thinking that I'd be able to make it a double layer cake.

This is what I got.

The worlds largest Oreo.

but I was able to flip the top layer over so it could lay "right" and..

the colors were still off though :/

fuck it, I tried.
I never said I was good at this.

Shear Excitement

 I must've fallen and bumped my head some time ago because I am definitely NOT on the ball with my stylist stuff.  I got a bit fed up with my job pleas falling on deaf ears and I took a break.

Now, I cannot wait to get my hands in some hurr. Seriously. The fuck I look like NOT utilizing this $10k worth of training I got under my belt?  Especially being that I actually love doing it.  

 Im telling y'all, I'm slowly picking up the pieces of my mind off of the ground.




This is where my mind is :)

Dear Old Amy

Last week....ugh.

It was a rough one. I really wanted to kick Amy Winehouse's ass. Real Talk. I almost wrote her an open letter, man. Like, how could this broad just leave me at a time like this? I'm having the most intense fucking existential crisis of my life and where the fuck are you, Winehouse? I was in terrible need of some Amy in my life as I was definitely going through the blues and only she could soothe my pain. I needed new shit. Old Amy shit wasnt cutting it.

But then Pandora saved her ass.

I thought I knew every Winehouse record, but apparently I dont because this came on and it was as if we had some telepathic shit going on. It was like she was responding to all my shit talking about her about isolating me, and at the same time, giving me the hard lecture I needed to hear ..

Like.....

"I can't help ya if you won't help yourself

 I can't help ya if you don't help yourself
 You can only get so much from someone yeah
 You can get so much from me
 I can't help ya if you won't help yourself"




Bitch is right.

I'm buggin.

I love her.
Lyrics:
When I walk in your shoes
I understand a man confused
There must have been but I don't care
I feel the way your soul does there
Darling they empathise
Looking through your bloodshot eyes
And I know you you're so frustrated
Above we all become what we once hated
Be slight nobody can be that wise

You've got a degree a in philosophy
So you think you're cleverer than me
But I'm not just some drama queen
Cos it's where you're at not where you've been
So what do you expect from me
To hold your head above the sea
And there are you even though you're bigger
Cos don't you know you crush my tiny figure
And anyway we're still so young
and this isn't yet the day

I can't help ya if you won't help yourself
I can't help ya if you don't help yourself
You can only get so much from someone yeah
I can't help ya if you won't help yourself

You might be twenty-five but in my mind
I see you at sixteen years or most of the time
And I'm just a child and you're full grown
And no I'm nothing like I've ever known yeah
I'm nothing like I've ever known

Sure Looks Good To Me....?

Every now and then i find myself facing what seems alot like a mid-life crisis. I think I've been having them since about 16. They come sporadically, without warning and often in a 'what-in-the-fuck-am-i-doing-with-my-life' or 'how-did-i-let-this-shit-happen' kind of format.

Usually, I deal with them by retreating. I quit and start over. And repeat. I have often wondered if this was just a euphemism for 'running away'. I havent decided yet. I've just noticed the pattern in my moving to Atlanta, back to Detroit and now, New York.  With each move came the promise of a new beginning and a huge step towards being the person I want to be in this life.

But then what?

Something usually happens that throws a wrench in my plans kicking the 'quit and start over' part into gear before I even got to 'start over' from the previous situation.

I'm done.
I can't. do it. anymore.
I'm tired.
I'm too old for this shit.

This time is different. Before, I had no problem coming up with a Plan B, C or D. It was nothing for me to be like, "ok, so THAT didn't work out, lets try THIS way now". I'm fresh out of 'plans' and I'm a Capricorn so that kind of shit scares a person like me. I'm most successful (as much as I hate to admit it) when theres structure and set goals in place. I ALWAYS have to be working towards something.

And right now, I'm not...

I mean, I damn sure can't tell what it is anymore.

Honestly. Life is looking alot like a series of question marks right now. I'm not certain of anything, I feel like. I'm questioning the significance of alot of my priorities and aspirations. idk. I'm pretty sure this is one of those things that you have to go through and figure out on your own. As much as I would love to talk to someone who feels me on this, I know there's only so much that can be gained by such a converstion.

But thank God for Alicia Keys.
She has this song that I can count on to put my mind at ease whenever I am convinced the world is ending without me having done anything worth talking about. This song is the friend I need right now.





Life is cheap, bittersweet
But it taste good to me

Take my turn, crash and burn
That's how it's supposed to be

So don’t rain on my parade
Life’s too short to waste one day

I’m gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Time passed by and leaves you behind
Take it naturally

Heaven knows
There’s so much more
More than what we see

So don’t rain on my parade
Life’s too short to waste one day

I’m gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind Im secure with getting by
I wanna see the light before I die or I lie in an empty space,

The darkness comes and I’ve been telling my soul
And me and myself we turn around, we’re getting old,But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions
From the bruises and the beauty in this moment that we’re feeling,

And I feel like I’m seeing the world inside of me
But I can tell you that I know, it's getting easier to breathe,There’s a cold in the morning, endless equation
Of who we've become, it’s a complex situation

So live, love, life give love
Live, love, life, give love
Live, love, life, give love
It's who are we anyway

I don't know what my next move will be, and I'm pretty sure thats fine.... just as long as I enjoy every minute of it