Random acts of poetry

Don't understand it
but I can't help it
And I kinda wish
that I never felt it
My heart-
yeah, it kinda melted
I play the cards
But look at who dealt it


Some things,
are best left alone
This taste
the sweetest ever known
Never give my all
but might give a loan
Try to catch the thoughts
searching and on roam
...


I swear I wish I had a band :)

Numero 129

Gertrud Hegelund for Numero 129
Hair by Shay Ashual

"...And I don't need a hook for this shiiiiiiiiiit"

A while ago I went on an Amazon book-buying binge and ended up with more works of literature on my hands than I had imagined.  Slowly but surely I'm making my way through my personal library and I'm finding that my most recent purchases are fucking perfs (Me-speak for 'perfect').

I've been chanting about this 'cleanse' that I feel I need to go on lately (mind + body +soul) so I bought Yoga Bitch and The 21-Day Cleanse.  My 24 year old self clearly enjoys the idea of cleansing, but actually practicing it is proving to be more difficult than I had planned.  Yoga Bitch was pretty good it inspired a newfound desire to go on a Middle Eastern retreat next year.  The 21-Day Cleanse is hardcore, bro.  Day one had me questioning everything I ever wanted in life and why. And I do mean that literally.

I've since moved on to I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley and, whoa. The title itself is superfucking symbollic of some of the shit I've been going through lately.  Wannabe professionals, habitual liars, manipulating fuckwads- you name it and I can put a face with it. 

I come from the school of If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say About Anyone... on the corner of Karma Avenue and Kill Them With Kindness Boulevard.

....However...

I have somehow took a detour down I Don't Give A Single Fuck Road and ended up here. 

Yet again, I've found myself victim of some supreme fuckery.  New Yorkers, I can't with you people.  You have tested me time and time again yet I always somehow find it in my heart to start again with a clean slate. 

Fuck it, I'm on one...Again. I have to let these things out from time to time so to keep the peace in my normal life.  Its like gas; if I don't let it out, it just might kill me.

Not for nothing, I Was Told There'd Be Cake is a collection of small essays from an imported New York chick that may have helped give me some unexpected clarity about the direction of this blog.

http://www.wix.com/pistolsandpetals/andrita

U R A Fever

One of my favorite shoots I've been a part of to date. The photographer and the make up artist are both  BEYOND incredible.  They are also incredibly cool and down to earth. Google them, book them and pay them the loads of money they deserve (and give me a cut).

Photographer: Hadriel Gonzalez
Make Up: Victor Amos
Hair: Andrita Renee

"Off With Their Heads. Dance Til You're Dead. Heads Will Roll"

Because the norm doesn't really impress me anymore...

<3 Di$count

Young, Fresh and New

Eternally the bossiest chick that ever existed.

A woman I've looked up to and admired since I was 12.

...And they wonder why I am the way I am ;)




I actually remember the original cover she did for the magazine.  She was wearing a Matthew Williamson dress and hadn't yet married Nas (not sure about that last part).  Loves her

"Bam!"

This is why I love Gags.  She didn't just do her avant garde shit on this one, she actually broke it down for simple minded hoes who think she's just crazy without a cause. 

Work, mama.

"Make It Like Poetry"

He said,

"It's like the grass that grows

between the cracks of ghetto street

relentless, in spite of and everlasting"

I said,

"Baby, Damn you got lyrics"

 

I want it hard, mystical,

tender and correct

Without expectations

Yet all of them met

Pulp Magazine
Photographer: Geoff Barrenger
Model: Olga Maliouk
Makeup: Hung Vango
Nails: Julie Kandalec







"If you let me, here's what I'll do...I'll.Take.Care.Of.You"

My best friend in life (Drizzy Drake) has spoken to me once again. I've been listening to Take Care (the single and the album) obsessively for the past few days and I am very proud of my guy. I'll probably be writing about the tracks off the album in the near future but right now I'm too in love with 'Take Care' featuring Rihanna. The song samples the late Gil Scott Heron's original and it does it justice, in my humble opinion. Its so relative. This is how I know Drake really is my best friend- he always gives me something to mellow out to right when I need it....

I've asked about you

and they told me things

but my mind didnt change

I still feel the same

When you keep hearing the same thing about someone or something, its usually safe to assume that its at least halfway true. Reputations exist for a reason and a lot of a persons actions are a direct contribution to their own. That's the easy part.

But what about that other half?

And what about when you can't help but wonder about that small glimmer of hope that a person, or situation even, isn't all that bad? Fuck if I know. That's why I have Drake in my life.

They don't get you like I will

My only wish is I die real

Cuz that truth hurts

and those lie's heal

Its a natural desire for a girl to want to feel/believe that she is the exception. We should be, actually, now that I think about it. Every woman has things about her that are special and unique and deserving of being treated as such.

I know you've been hurt

by someone else

I can tell by the way

that you carry yourself

Obviously the experiences we have in life shape us into the people that we present ourselves to the world as. Some people just can't help the fact they've had experiences that have shaped them into an asshole. So when you are pretty sure that this is the case, should you give them a free pass? Like, ok, you're clearly only acting like that because you are damaged in some way, like everyone else, except you choose to carry your baggage around on your shoulders 24/7?

Maybe this is a case of the pot calling the kettle, but thats a whole 'nother story.

Its my birthday

I get high if I want to

Cant deny that I want you

But I'll lie if I have to

So is it worth risking your heart in hopes of possibly saving someone else's?  Especially when yours isn't exactly in tip top shape itself? Not bloody likely.
 

"I know what boys like, I know what guys want"

For men to be so stereotypically simple, why am I having such a difficult time finding interesting topics to write about for them. I kind of thought I was a creative person, silly me. This is the test, i guess, and I am failing miserably. I feel like there is a ceiling to how many creative ways I can relay the message that color is in for men next spring or that no self respecting man should be purchasing his entire Friday night get-up from one spot. Shiiiiiit. I have no fucking clue. I have NEVER had a clue as to what men like, clearly. My name is Andrita, after all. Thats just preposterous.


So I did what any other wannabe James Baldwin would have done, I fucking Google'd it. 'What do guys like' spit out 89.2 million results in 0.83 seconds. Unfortunately 99.9% of them were somehow related to sex. Dude. This isn't Cosmo over here. I'm more like the anti-Dr.Ruth. What's a girl to do?

"Wait, is it possible... that they're gunning for me?"

"Im an alien from outer space

A Cyber girl without a face,
a heart,
or a mind"

distractions and inspirations.


everytime I blink my eyes my mind is being pulled in a different direction. I have been working on trying to Dee-Bo my way into a real entreprenuerial career lately. While at the fashion house I work for ("assisting" aka blogging), I realized that I may really want to self publish a book. I started writing a fiction novel when I was, like, in the eighth grade in a Mead notebook but I deaded that shit like I do with most of my bright ideas. Now, fifty years later, I think I'd like to pick back up where I left off. My dad would so be shaking his head at me right now if I told him this :). Clearly I am the directionless, overly ambitious child. I can't help it. And I don't want to.

I started my latest course at FIT recently(Flat Pattern Design- don't ask me what that is, thats why I'm there lol....it's patternmaking). Very interesting to be there with all the newcomers (Fall semester fresh-meat). I was equally inspired and annoyed by them lol. I do NOT fit in. And I dont mean that in a cool way, either. I think that my twenties are panning out to be how normal peoples high school years go. Except I don't really mesh with the jocks OR the nerds lol. I'm bugging. Twenty-four and I embody Jeanine Garafalo's character in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. I'm the foul-mouthed, all-black-wearing girl smoking cigarettes behind the bleachers. Minus the cigarettes....well, and the bleachers.

Fitting in is for losers anyways. 

Marry Me?

"Who will be
The one to marry me?"

WSJ: Should More Black Women Marry White?
(http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/09/20/should-black-women-marry-outside-the-race-we-want-your-opinions-via-webcam/?mod=e2tw)

So. Way to aggravate an already slightly psychotic Black woman. These assholes at the Wall Street Journal decided it would be a nice idea to recommend that Black women simply go out and marry white guys since there are essentially NO desirable Black ones available. So, first I'd like to let you know that this didn't piss me off, despite how it may come off. It was just annoying. As fuck. And I am not remotely racist in the least bit. People have told me plenty of times that I'll probably end up marrying a White man anyways thankyouverymuch ;). I just don't appreciate the WSJ acting as if I can just go to the Banana Republic and pick one out to marry me. I mean, as awesome as it sounds, do they think I could just sit in some downtown bar near Wall Street, bat my eyelashes and make some megamillionaire supergreat White boy swoon? Absolutely Ridic.

I'm just annoyed. I can't quite articulate exactly why I'm annoyed, but I just am. Sometimes I feel like the media is out to destroy the Black woman. Mind you, I am only half serious right now and I know that this is a bit extreme and slightly militant but wtf, this is my blog.

But seriously, society in general treats us like left overs or something. Either that, or we're kinda like the Flavor of the Month. Like, some months "they" decide we're cool and we'll be in a few magazines (never covers though-unless you're Bey or Halle). A high end fash rag may decide to cast us in a few spreads. We may even have the opportunity to be the fiesty best friend/sidekick/assistant in some really critically acclaimed Hollywood flick. But that's pretty much it. I mean, we still get excited when a Black actress wins an award. It's 2011 people. Really?

Then, we are often disrespected or even worse disregarded by our own for women of other races. So we get the non-love all the way around. And now its like some cool ass intellectual dinner conversation to discuss why so many Black women have never been and probably never will be married. I really wish there was a Rolling My Eyes acronym. RME, there.

I, obviously, can go on and on about this but I'll spare you the headache and implied neck rolling.

I guess with all this attitude I won't ever have to worry about anyone wanting to marry my ass

Thats all :)

....Just hair

The situation is that my hair is naturally like this:

no fucking lie, just short as shit

But I am hell bent on trying to get it to look like this:

by way of weaves and flat irons.


I go on and off of relaxers and right now I'm going on 11 months off.  I'm actually considering doing a natural but seriously, I don't think I can pull off the look and braids will bore me after a while.  I love burying my fingers in my tresses too much for that. 

I colored my hair pink a few weeks ago and I loved it but then I got experimental and made it a weird purple-y color.  I'm actually starting to like it.  That pink was way too 'LOOK AT ME' for me. It was dope, but I'm not friendly enough for that hair ;)

So now I am at a stand still.  I have no clue what to do with this coiff.

images taken from here :)

"Yellow Diamonds In the Light..."

..in a hopeless place


Today I wrote two poems, crocheted a scarf and kinda plotted out a few things I want to make for myself.

I did all of this in Green Goblin-colored eyeshadow and a Rosie the Riveter hair do.

I told my sister that my creative side was either dying a slow miserable death or plotting to kill my noncreative self. I mean, I didn't exactly use those words but I did tell her that I needed to go make some shit before my insides explode. Hell, I haven't written a poem since I had to sneak to wear mascara and colored lip gloss.  I didnt even think I still had it in me.  Shit just started coming to me randomly on the train so I decided to jot it down and before I knew it, I had 2 done.  Neither one is really about any one thing in particular but it felt good to do it anyways.

The scarf is for one of my NYC buddies and I am almost tempted to not give it to her seeing as I am falling in love with it. I made this same buddy go with me to some bead/trim stores in the city  last week and now I have decided that I will, from now on, make most of the shit I wear. Chill, it wasn't just some bead stores that got me thinking that. I'm in the process of making garments from scratch at school anyways.  Why not take the shit I learn and apply it to real life, right?......Right?

.....We shall see how long this lasts.

I will let you know once it actually begins ;)

Blockage

You ever feel like you want to scream but someone is covering your mouth?

Maybe that's not a good example...

Ok.  Have you ever felt like you want to just explode....in a really good way...and for no real apparent reason....but for some odd reason.....you don't?

Ugh.

That's not much better.

I just feel like I wanna fucking scream dude.  Just because I'm here. 

Because I'm alive. Because I don't have anything better to do.

I want to burst into an obnoxious, ugly-face-producing, snot inducing cry. 

Just because I'm human. And my face could use a good cleansing.

I want to do every stupid and evey beautiful thing that I've ever thought seemed like a needed experience to have in ones book of journey's.  But for some reason, I can't.  Obviously I should be asking myself why this is so. I should be telling myself to just do it, whatever it is.  But I don't know if its that cut and dry. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm experiencing some kind of blockage maybe?

Does this me make me crazy?  At this point, I would normally insert a YouTube clip of Gnarls Barkley or some corny shit like that but I'm not.  I just wanted to let this thought out.

Feeling Good

this record is

confidence
bravado
fearlessness

defined.

Just what the doctor ordered for this season.

Anna Karina

Timeless Beauty.

I can't take how glam this woman is.
I'm actually quite pissed I'm just now finding out about Anna Karina.

I got a gig last week to do hair for a music video and when the director sent me notes on the inspiration behind the looks for the shoot, of course I went all 'method-actor' and started obsessing.  The looks were supposed to be along the lines of French New Wave films, which, at the time, I hadn't a clue about.  Google and Netflix took care of that for me. I found a list of some of the most popular FNW films and tried to plug them into Netflix to watch instantly.  Of course, none of the popular films were available but one film that was recommended caught my attention. I watched 'A Woman is a Woman' and fell in love. 

Every single thing about the film was beautiful, visually.  This is when and where I discovered Anna Karina.  She had me as soon as I saw the thick winged eyeliner.  I have since been searching for as many images and film clips of hers that I can find online.  She makes me want to pursue my feminine side ;)

Inspiration

I love the Fall.  I feel like every Fall represents a new beginning for me.  Its like one chapter inevitably comes to an end and another one begins...whether I like it or not.  I have been doing a lot with my 'hair' stuff (wix.com/pistolsandpetals/andrita) but I just got to a point within the last week where I just felt....done.  Not in a I-dont-want-to-do-this-anymore kind of way.  More like a what-is-the-next-step situation.

I have always been a goal oriented person and that has helped give structure and discipline to an ADHD, consistently mindfucked person such as myself.  But I just got into a confused state of mind and didnt know what my next steps should be in advancing my career and pursuing my dreams. 

My inspiration was a little askew.  The little shit I used to do to feel inspired and the places I used to look for inspiration wasn't cutting it.  Shit wasn't enough.  I needed something new, something stronger, something maybe more meaningful or thought provoking or something.

Thanks to Netflix, an indie music video director, Pandora, 2 completely OFF-days and a tube of black lipstick, I have gotten some inspiration. More specifically, iconic and classic film, art, literature and music legends have helped me get back into the groove.

Jean-Michel Basquiat.
Anna Karina.
Donald Goines.
Miles Davis.

Don't be surprised if I'm on some weird shit for the next few weeks or months; I am now unofficially in an alternate time zone. 

"Cause I've got one hand in my pocket..."

"So can I get  a window seat
Don't want nobody next to me"


"Concentrating on my music, lover and my babies...."

"So, in my mind I'm tusslin'
Back and forth 'tween here and hustlin'
I don't wanna time travel no more
I wanna be here, I'm thinking"



I need something. I wish I knew what it were. But I'm feeling a lack of something. I think I might need to seriously consider doing a cleanse. Like a real one. Between this amazing hair stylist I'm working with thats juicing/cleansing right now and this chill ass vegan kid I've been running with, I'm feeling like the idea isn't so far fetched after all. My life is looking like a clusterfuck of half awesome and half shitty-ness right now. I've been feeling like there's some void somewhere. Like there's so much more to life than what I'm doing now. The end goal has always been self-fulfillment and happiness but the means by which I've been using to reach said goal has been questionable lately. I'm doing mad shit right now. I'm trying. I know firsthand that nothing falls into your lap and if you want to be successful, chances are, you have to bust ass. But....really. If I'm working all the time towards one specific goal, it is inevitable that I will short sight another. So I guess the question then becomes, Which is most important? And that, my friend, is what I do not fucking know.

So much going on in the world right now. I have these superficial things that I'm doing to pursue my nonsuperficial dream of being happy but I wonder if it is enough. There are so many battles in this world that are actually worth fighting for and I am not fighting a single one. Not One. I suck. I don't consider myself to be one of those sit-back-and-let-others-do-the-work types. And I don't wish to be a turn-the-other-cheek-to-injustice types either. But by NOT doing anything, I am both of those things. I think that makes sense.

Fock man. What to do?

And eerily enough, I started writing this listening to "Window Seat" and halfway through, this broad Alanis Morissette comes blaring through my headphones via Pandora with "Hand In My Pocket"...could'nt be more perfect for the state of mind I'm in right now. This is how I know there is a God. And that God may be a woman.

I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I'm pretty sure I have my answer here.



"I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing a piano

And what it all comes down to my dear friends, yeah
Is that everything is just fine fine fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab"

I recently saw a question that asked "What song changed your life?" and I thought it was a bullshit thing to ask a person. How the hell are you supposed to know or remember that? Its so general and broad. But I think I have my answer here.

"Roses are red, yellow and white...where have you been all my life?"

Roses are blue
And I'll be too
If you leave
Cuz I just met you
-N.E.R.D  "Babydoll"

Random.

So anyway tho

I did a shoot with a photographer by the name of Gianna Rovelli recently.  It was with a agency represented model (Jessica) that needed updated looks for her port.

We also worked on some promo pics for this singer.Charlene's the name.

I really need my website updated/demolished and restarted from scratch

Anthony T Scott SS 2012 at NYFW

Here's the scoop on the first show I did for NYFW SS 2012.

I actually do not remember where I found the ad, but somehow I applied to do hair for the Anthony T Scott show.  To my surprise, they actually wanted me.  Scott (or Anthony) sent me a preview of the collection and I was super excited because it was like, serious fashion.

So on the day of, I was decked in all black and ready to take over.  I got to the location which was a show space on the second or third floor of some building near Union Square.  The place was huge, by NYC standards at least. I looked around for someone who may have been in charge and was immediately approached by this GORGEOUS blonde guy.  I stated my purpose, that I was here to do hair for the designer Scott's show.  He extended his hand and said, I'm Scott. I then fell in love a little.

He told me that 'hair' was in the back and guided me over.  To my surprise, there were like 10 other chicks in all black fussing around with combs and brushes.  It was then realized that I would be ASSISTING, not actually really styling. That was kinda cool, except for the fact that I had brought my thousand pound bag of tools for no reason.

I was introduced to the head hair lady. She was a redhead with a serious long bob. The other girls were either assistants or make up bitches ;).  At first, I didn't know the other girls were assistants.  They had that hair stylist 'look' and they moved with alot of confidence.  It wasn't until long after we'd soaked the models with spray gel and scultped figure eights on their domes that I got the juice.  The girls were stylist's assistants at the salon I thought I'd KILL to work at, Tommy Guns.  One of the owners, I believe, does thee most insane editorial shit and the salon looks like fucking Sweeney Todd or something. Mad vintage. Super Dope.

So immediately, I was like, damn.  Then as they were talking and talking and talking, I realized that I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I'm not married to some predetermined schedule, a slave to the shampoo bowl.  I dont have to be someones bitch for two years to see IF they think I'm good enough to have my own spot. Seriously, when I came to NY I was prepared to do that for the right salon (Tommy Guns), but from my experiences thus far, I have had such a blast just doing this freelance that I wouldn't be mad one bit if I never spend a day behind the chair. When I was in beauty school and my clients would ask me what I planned to do when I graduated, I always said two things: 1) move to New York and 2) do editorial and runway hair....

And thats how I know I'm on the right track :)

here is the source from the show