i'm like a rubber band- till you pull too hard

its a brand new year but i can't stop thinking about old shit. Old people, to be exact. Not old as in age but old in reference to the time when they were actively a part of my life. Old boos, old friends, old enemies, old goals, all of that. I've been really thinking lately

what the fuck happened?

Specifically with friends. Im a person that may value friendship much more than the next person. It takes a lot for me to no longer want to fight for you to be in my life. I suppose you shouldn't have to fight for your friends to be your friends but,ya know, shit happens. Things aren't peaches and cream 100% of the time with your true blues. Sometimes things get fuzzy and one of you have to grow up before things get too out of hand. And hopefully the other person gets the fucking hint and get their shit together. 

Unfortunately that doesn't always happen and you end up having to decide how long you want to stand out on that olive branch alone. Or you have to have a pep talk with yourself to figure out at what point did you two outgrow each other. Where was the disconnect? Are you actually the asshole in the situation? I hate that shit. But it's happened. And it seems like the older I get, the more often its come to that.

Im a Capricorn and I think we're fiercely loyal by nature. I am also an introvert, a loner and a person who generally does not enjoy meeting new people. Especially at this point living in NYC working in fashion where the odds of meeting an actual genuine person are against you. That being said, once I find you and figure out that I like being around you, you're mine for life. And even when when you are tap dancing on my last motherfucking nerve or being a complete asshole, I'll still be down for you.

...but only as long as I'm sure you'd do the same for me.

If not, my friend-love immediately turns into resentment and hurt and disgust. Or just pity.

PS.
Elastic Heart was one of my favorite records from 2014. Constantly on repeat for the longest. It actually made me feel feelings- which i don't typically do (jk). There were so many lyrics that hit home and the entire 1000 Forms of Fear album solidified Sia as one of my favorite artist/musicians of the decade.  The video for Elastic Heart was a bit late for me but it was also shockingly on time, at the same damn time. Makes sense to me.

"Man, these kids wear crowns over here"

bust it.

let me just take a moment to give drizzy drake some love. i  heard an old record of his that came out before i left detroit and it  sent me to a warm place (it also sent me into a pre 2013 drake listening session). i may or may not have a drake quote on deck for every emotion, event, instagram caption, tweet, status, blog post ever in life. no one gets me like drake does.

ok, not really, but really. don't judge me.

ah, the trials and tribulations of being a twenty something. a kid in search of self. a person on a pursuit of happiness. and all the superficial and all consuming distractions/setbacks that you meet along the way. 

im closing in on year 27 of my life. 
27 was special. 27 was scary. 27 was everything.

i spent a great deal of this year being an angsty little twat stuck in her second pathetic teenagehood- complaining about first world problems one minute and trying to think of a way to change the society the next. seriously. i also often found myself straddling a thin line between feeling super accomplished and feeling like an utter failure. but ultimately i learned that thats pretty fucking normal for andrita, so yeah. such is life.

i got in my own way a lot this year. put my foot in my mouth a bit this year. i chose to do shit my way (aka the hard way)a lot at 27, too, always finding comfort and refuge in the fact that I'm 'an artist', so its fine.

bullshit.

at 28, i hope to take heed to everything my old heads, mentors, oracles, stars and crystal balls tell me. I'm gonna put my own stank on it, of course, but I WILL OBEY in this next chapter. Doing shit your own way is fun and fulfilling and all that but being a broke ass with no IRA or passport fucking SUCKS. Im abandoning Team Starving Artist.

ha. I'm only half serious about that one. 27 was an unstable mindfuck that required me to call on every life lesson I've ever learned but I honestly had a good time, a great time. And I'm closing out on a good note, optimistic and grateful for what I've experienced and whats in store next.