You know how when you have a low moment in life and all you want to do is dial up your closest people and just...talk?
And no one answers?
Thats the fuckin worst, bruv.
And then there you are, all hypersensitive and shit, left to sort out your latest mid life crisis in absolute solitude.
Fuckityfuck.
And you know that even if they DID answer the gotdamn phone, there would probably be little to no understanding or solution to whatever latest debacle you're going through today.
You dont care. You just want to be assured that someone is there. Thats it. Even if they cant do a motherfucking thing, you just want them to hold the phone and listen. Or better yet, at least pretend that you're not a kook and you're complete rightgeous in feeling however it is that you feel or believing whatever it is that you're believing.
Like when you barely have two nickels to your name but you're working like a MVP. And you know that money is coming- lots of it. You have the invoices to prove it. But until that unbeknownst-to-man day comes, you're living on magic beans. And, truthfully speaking, you almost dont even mind it because you're in love with the overall nature of your life. But no one else gets it. And no one else seems to want to hear that shit. And that shit is usually the straw that breaks the camels back when it comes to your ability to persevere. Fuckin holdin on to the dream gets really real when no one is seeing or believing the shit but your sole unstable ass.
If it weren't for that one time you were prepared to put your very last ten bucks for dinner on the counter and the cashier told you your total was only fifty-nine cent due to some invisible coupons that you didnt even know you earned on that bum ass rewards card on your keychain....
If it weren't for that one time your dont-see-often friend (rather bewitchingly)hit you up for dinner/movie ON THEM when you you thought you were gonna be forced to spend another afternoon at home contemplating getting a job at McDonalds or entering the sex trade....
If it weren't for the fact that doors have consistently and continuously been flying open and ways have been made repeatedly throughout your journey....
you might've given up by now.
But thank God you know better than that.
Because if you can't handle not having someone to pat you on the back and tell you every things going to be ok then how in the hell are you gonna handle all the proverbial slaps in the face that you will certainly continue to get while trying to carve out a career and life in this city? How will you deal when you show up to a gig and you're the only splash of melanin on the entire set? Or when you're surrounded by people who absolutely refuse to be real and instead propel lifestyles of very real materialistic wealth but faux happiness (or the dyslexic ones who are genuinely happy to boast fake/short term material wealth)? How will you handle the people who are only in your life to keep tabs on you and not actually support a single thing you do? The ones who are only interested in keeping their foot in your neck?
I'm still only at the beginning of my journey but I can very well see the many pitfalls that stand between me and my dreams and Im just hoping I dont fall into one of them.
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