Wheeerre's Yoourrr Heeaad Attttttt?

If you've ever worked retail, I'm sure you're familiar with the term 'inventory'. At some point throughout the year most retail stores do an in-depth one where they pretty much count every single thing they actually  have on hand and compare it to what they should have on hand.  These measurements/calculations (or whatever you want to call it) are then used to help the company learn about itself and grow (seriously, I just left work and I'm NOT trying to get too in detail about this shit for the sake of this story).

But....

Every now and then I like to apply this principle to my life. Like now. I would look at what I have (not material shit, duh), what I want to have, and what I'm doing to make the two meet. Then I would devise a plan based on what I'm not doing and put it into motion.

 When I start to feel lost, unmotivated, directionless or confused I usually retreat. In the past, I'd stop whatever I'm doing and start fresh. It's always been easier that way than to try to sift through the catastrophe that is my normal life and try to make some sense of it. I'd re-draft my life 'plan' (trust, I use the word 'plan' VERY loosely) and reschedule my goals and shit.  This time is different though. I'm not trying to start over. I think I've grown out of that phase. I almost like where I am in life right now. I want to reconstruct/upgrade it, not detroy and rebuild it.

I'm not sure I know how to do that.
I need a therapist.
Do you know anybody?




but....

On the flip side of that, I see myself making progress as far as my personality and character goes.

Its so weird. Sometimes its almost as if I'm standing outside of myself watching me transform into this almost entirely new woman. And its happening so naturally that it's freaking me out. I'm starting to become who I always wanted to be without even trying at all. Some of the quirks I had for years and years are slowly disappearing. I've become alot more assertive in my old age (ha!), a little more direct and even though I'm not exactly where I want to be with it, I'm seeing more bravado coming out in little spurts.

I love this part of growing up.

 
So back to the topic.

I'm feeling some kind of thing coming on.. I dont know what to call it though. It's not a spiritual enlightenment. It's not a reinvention. It's not a detox. I just want to get re-centered. I want to get more in-tune with myself. Real talk, reading this blog (especially the ones about crushes) got me a little annoyed with myself.  Who cares if some doucher knows or dont knows :) my name? Fuck I look like?

 

The boycrazy look does not fit me well. I'm quite embarrassed.

 

Moving on *Tim Gunn voice*

This shall be a work in progress. I don't actually think I need to lay a plan down for what I plan to do with myself....well, actually, maybe I should. 

Meanwhile...